


Wicked Games (misery loves company)

by holodae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (like the others are barely in this and the relationships are pretty minor), Alternate Universe - Demons, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood and Gore, Demon Deals, Depression, Dreams, Explicit Sexual Content, Grief/Mourning, Horror, M/M, Manipulation, Na Jaemin-centric, Nightmares, Swearing, Toxic Relationship, pet death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:48:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holodae/pseuds/holodae
Summary: There was one truth to Jaemin’s life now - Jeno was dead; and Jaemin would do anything to get him back.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 44
Collections: '00 FIC FEST ROUND TWO





	Wicked Games (misery loves company)

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #00292: Jeno dies and Jaemin is going to do everything to get him back. Even if it means raising a literal demon of Hell and giving up his soul to do it. (maybe he kinda falls in love with the demon along the way?)
> 
> to the prompter, i've loved this prompt since i first saw it and i really hope i've done it justice
> 
> to the one person who endured me ranting about this fic at unholy hours, i am so so sorry
> 
> to everyone else, i hope you enjoy!!
> 
> additional warnings for; death (jeno is literally dead), swearing, sex scenes, grief, depression, and !!pet death/murder!! 
> 
> this is just,,, not happy and hyuckmin is really not a good relationship (he is a demon so,,) 
> 
> i've added some notes at the end about my own intentions but feel free to comment your own thoughts!!

i.

The bed was warm when he woke up. 

It wasn’t warm in the way summer heats up the house from the radiating sun, nor in the way you overcompensate the heating in the cold, dark winter to ensure you actually get out of bed in the morning. It was warm in the best way, Jaemin’s favourite way. 

It was warm from the radiating body heat of his favourite person lying beside him, their bodies finding their way to each other as their minds took a break from daily chaos.

Jeno was beautiful. Pure timeless beauty in that tragic way that only old Hollywood actors knew how to capture. It was wicked, really, that Jaemin could look at the view of his fiancé every morning. His breath would hitch in his throat in those few precious moments when he could just put the world on pause as Jeno slept.

_God, he wanted this forever._

“Good morning, Mr. Na,” Jeno grumbled out, “How does it feel to be married to yours truly.”

“I wouldn’t know. You haven’t married me yet, Mr. Lee.”

“Mmm,” Jeno hummed, “Only a few more months,” Jeno pulled Jaemin into his arms, squeezing their two bodies together like he never wanted to let go, “A few more months,” Jeno’s warm hand traced his face, “And then you are mine forever.”

“You already have me for forever,” Jaemin teased, pressing his lips against Jeno’s.

“Forever and ever and,” Jeno tickled Jaemin’s body, trapping the younger man beneath him and pressing his fingers into his sides, “Ever and ever and ever.”

“Jeno!” Jaemin yelped, trying to wrestle his partner off of him but bursting out into infectious giggles.

Jeno slowly came to a stop, lying down and relaxing his body on top of Jaemin’s. Their souls seeped together between the fabric of their pyjamas. 

Jaemin’s parted legs squeezed around Jeno’s waist and wrapped around his hips to bring them closer. The comfortable silence sat atop their bed like a veil, just Jaemin and Jeno, separated from the rest of the world and together always.

Scratches against their bedroom door stole their attention. Jeno grumbled once again, and Jaemin just beamed up at him.

“Go let our child in,” Jaemin teased.

“More like my child,” Jeno replied, slowly dragging himself off of Jaemin and onto the floor.

“What was that, Mr. Lee?” Jaemin warned, a smile still on his face as he faced his oh so soon to be husband.

“You heard me, sweetheart,” Jeno sang out as he opened the door, cooing as Virgo padded in and jumped up on their bed.

“Wow, my little baby, you love me so much!” Jaemin fussed over their cat, bringing Mr. Virgo XL into his arms and rubbing his face all over the cat’s fur.

Jeno cringed.

“Honey, come tell your child you love him,” Jaemin demanded.

He followed his fiancé’s demand and sat back down on the bed, giving Virgo an affectionate stroke behind the ear. Jeno gleamed as their lovely cat gave him a soft purr in response.

“I love you, Virgo,” Jeno said.

“Virgo XL.”

“Virgo,” Jeno insisted.

“Yes, XL. Virgo XL.”

Jeno’s sigh was loud enough that even the cat in question looked at him in what Jeno could only perceive as contempt but really hoped it wasn’t.

“I don’t even know what goes through your mind for you to come up with Virgo Extra-Large.”

“It’s not Virgo Extra Large! He’s not even chonky anymore because you put him on a diet!” Jaemin pouted, but he did know their cat needed that diet. One look at Virgo XL had Jaemin feeding him every treat he could find, Jeno the ever sensible cat dad was less prone to temptation.

“Then why the XL?”

“Because I was wondering what we should name the cat, and that night I had a dream that we named him Virgo XL - so that’s his name and you have to live with it because he and I love it.”

“He’s not even a virgo! He’s a Gemini!” Jeno argued back.

“How dare you!” Jaemin gasped, “Virgo XL don’t listen to him, babycakes.”

“What names are you gonna force on our children, Taurus Extra-Small?”

“You don’t even wanna know what that actually is,” Jaemin made a funny face as he said so.

“Did you just make a joke,” Jeno sighed, “About my dick?”

“Maybe.” _Yes, he did_.

“You disgust me.”

“You love it,” Jaemin replied, smiling to himself and scratching Virgo XL’s chin.

“Mmm maybe,” Jeno teased, “So after we have Taurus XS, how about Capricorn M?”

“You know too much about astrology, it’s embarrassing me,” Jaemin mock sneered, “Doesn’t he, Virg?” Jaemin went back to cooing at the cat.

Jeno found it disgustingly cute but he wouldn’t dare to admit that out loud.

Virgo XL had enough of them pretty quick. He jumped off the bed with the grace only a cat could have and slinked off to the windowsill. He liked to watch the birds.

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Jaemin asked.

Jeno looked up at Jaemin who remained sat up in bed as if he hadn’t realised their cat had already vacated the spot on his lap.

“About Virgo being a Gemini?” Jeno joked. Jaemin rolled his eyes and nudged him in a way that Jeno knew was with affection.

“No,” Jaemin paused, “I mean the bit about our children.”

“We’re not actually gonna name them Taurus XS and Capricorn M if that’s what you’re asking, although, I did feel like I made it obvious enough that I was joking?”

Jaemin just looked at his silly, soon-to-be-husband.

“I mean,” He drawled out, “Our children, you want us to have kids.”

“Jaem? We’ve literally talked about this?”

“No, I know, but like, it sounded so real and I-” Jaemin paused, finding himself suddenly overcome with emotion, “I love you, and hearing you say our children, it just made me so excited for our future together, Jen. It made me realise we’ve made it, and how after years of talking about all this, it’s finally happening.”

Jaemin noticed tears forming in Jeno’s eyes.

“Hey, ahh, Jeno, baby don’t cry!” He grabbed tissues from the nightstand and wiped away the tears as they started to fall. Jeno pulled Jaemin towards him and just held him. 

The rain started to fall heavier and the gentle patter against the windows became harsher. It seemed as though their quiet solace was opened up to the noises of the world beyond them, cars honking and sirens blaring. For that moment the world wasn’t just them, it was them and the world, the barrage of street noise echoing as they looked into each other’s eyes and saw the future they had always dreamed of.

“I love you,” Jeno whispered. 

“And I love you, more than life itself.”

“More than life itself.”

  
  
  


ii.

When they cremated Jeno, Jaemin burned with him.

His whole world, his life, his past and his future burned before his eyes. The harsh, garish flames danced and his eyes stung from the smoke of his burning reality.

It was raining and his world was on fire.

The funeral passed quicker than he ever could have imagined, and before he could ever realise that Jeno was gone, really, really gone, he was being ushered into a sleek black car by his mother to avoid getting too wet. Maybe the rain could have washed the fire away.

Jeno was gone. His insides were burning. Jeno was gone.

When the door slammed shut and his best friend that wasn’t Jeno sank into the driver’s seat, then did he finally let the first tear fall.

  
  
  


The funeral had been attended by so many, and every single moment of it someone was right there next to him. Making sure he ate, drank, sat down if he stood up for too long. But he couldn’t even register what was happening, The only comfort being in the shaky looks he shared with Jeno’s mum.

But when he finally made it back to their apartment he wished harder than anything to be back at the funeral, because what was there now? Jeno was dead and buried and nothing was there to keep him. The people he’d been surrounded by for what seemed like weeks had been pushed out by his own yearning to be alone, and now all he wanted was to crawl into his mother’s arms. To be held and encapsulated in a mother’s love, a time machine back to his childhood, before the universe had given him everything and snatched it right from his grasp as he desperately clung, so, so hard to his forever with Jeno.

  
  
  
  


The day after the funeral he woke up dazed; confused as to where he was and how late he had slept in after falling asleep god knows when. He grumbled as he rolled around trying to find his phone.

“Jen-” Jaemin gasped as he caught himself. 

His mind chanted ‘no’ over and over again as he pulled the covers over his head and squeezed his eyes shut so hard he gave himself a headache.

That might be his new least favourite time of day. 

But oh, god. Did he pray for those few moments of peace, of cluelessness and ignorance, his heart begging his mind to never catch up with it’s denial.

  
  
  
  


“- Look, I know my mother called about - about, well, about Je- about _that_.”

“Jaemin -” Mark’s voice rang through the line.

“And I just wanted to clear up, you know, that I’m fine - _really fine_ , and I really think I should be getting on with that project I was starting so, so I’ll be in tomorrow?”

“Hey, Jaemin, I-”

“Well, I-I- I could come in today, if you prefer and really I’m doing just fine so-”

“ _Jaemin_.”

“Mark,” Jaemin replied, chest heaving.

“Jaemin, Nana -”

“Don’t call me that!” Jaemin snapped. His eyes grew wide in shock at the snap of his temper.

“Sorry,” Mark insisted.

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Jaemin ran his hand through his hair roughly, “I’m _sorry_ , Mark.”

The apology was heavy, burdened with more than simple politeness. 

“Jaem, don’t you ever apologise for what happened, ever,” Mark insisted.

“Okay,” Jaemin said, a ghost of a reply. Empty, non-committal, like he’d already forgotten what they had been talking about.

“And anyway,” Mark cleared his throat, “You can’t come back to work, your leave has already been cleared.”

“What?” Jaemin said softly, “Well, when can I come back then?”

“Well, I’ve cleared two months, but if you need it I can get you more, okay?”

“Two months,” Jaemin paused, “But, I - two months?”

“Bereavement leave is usually a month but your mum and I -”

Jaemin huffed.

“Mark, is this coming from my mum or you as my boss?” Jaemin asked, the frown in his forehead increasing.

“Your friend.” Mark responded. “This is coming from your friend, Jaem - we just want you to take some time and I -” Mark cut himself off, Jaemin tensed at the tell-tale sign of upset rose in Mark’s voice.

“You guys - you and Jen,” Jaemin winced, “You guys are my best friends - you are my best friend, and I am your boss - so you’re going to take two months before you even think of coming back.”

“It just seems like a long time, y’know?” Jaemin’s voice became quiet, “ _Two months_ , I mean, I mean we weren’t even married yet, Mark.” 

_We didn’t even get to be married._

  
  
  
  


At first he loathed it - not going to work. Then he realised, after trying to go outside and do things that he normally would and be normal, that it probably was for the best, after all.

His house alone haunted him enough, but going food shopping, or seeing his friends, or his colleagues, or worse his mother, or even _his_ mum - it’s enough to scar him from leaving the comfort of his own home.

Because at least at home he can pretend it’s all alright.

Playing a big old pretending act of looking the other way when his friend’s want to start on the big fat elephant in the room, or when his mother gets that tear-welled look on her face. When Jeno’s mum takes a single look at him and just starts crying.

At home, he could pretend like Renjun wasn’t looking after his cat, he could act like everything was normal except with a tad more alcohol and lots more junk food. When going to bed meant something else, when going to sleep was just a blockade in your time together, and when waking up meant dreading spending time apart.

  
  
  
  


He spent so long in bed. He lay there day and night, watching the sun rays through the room go up and down, the moonlight following suit; lovers chasing each other through the ages. 

Forever together. Never whole.

The only thing that tied him to anything, to feeling, was his unending tether to limbo. He felt everything and nothing, mostly everything that felt like nothing. Or nothingness than just felt too much. 

Everything burned so strong and painful that it was like nothing at all.

Everyday became the same. 

Wake up. Realise he’s awake, turn to Jeno - 

It hurt so great. It hurt, it hurt, it really fucking hurt. But it hurt in that awfully beautiful way - to hurt was to be alive, to hurt was to love Jeno, wake up loving Jeno. To hurt was to crave the bliss of forgetting, to hurt was to break apart as you remember.

But Jaemin did not want to wake up knowing. He didn’t want to wake up, and accept that maybe this was his life now. 

  
  
  
  


Waking up became nothing compared to the dreams, the nightmares that tore him from sleep and tethered him to a harsh reality he did not want.

_Jeno shivered uncontrollably as he curled in on himself in the warm bathtub. Jaemin could only stand there, in the centre of their bathroom. Watching as Jeno grew paler and paler, withering away in the clear water._

_His skin dried up, blood dripping from his mouth, eyes unfocused, unmoving - locked on Jaemin, trapped on their grey bath mat. The blood gathered in the water, tainting it more and more as blood continued to pour from Jeno’s mouth._

_Jaemin still could not move. He could feel his eyes turn wet as Jeno’s cried blood._

_“Remember when I asked you to marry me?” Jeno’s body spoke._

_The tub was red at that point. Jeno’s white body matched the porcelain and looked just as delicate. He looked broken, damaged. Empty._

_“Remember when I asked you to marry me?” Jeno’s jaw looked unhinged. His lips did not move as he spoke._

_Jaemin still could not move. Stuck, fixated on the horrifying body of his fiancé._

_“Nana,” Jeno sing-song, head rolling to face him completely, the previously hidden side of his face was revealed. Charred skin and a grim expression greeted Jaemin as he began to soundlessly scream, “Don’t you remember when I asked you to marry me?”_

  
  
  
  


What would happen when the world took away sleep as his only solace?

  
  
  
  


Jaemin dreamt of the bathtub too many times to count. 

The nightmares overflowed into his waking moments until he felt haunted everytime he so much as blinked. Jeno became a spectre in his life before he’d even accepted his death, and those words, his words, would ring in his ears and stand the hair on his neck until he managed to knock out into dreamless peace.

_“Sweetheart, remember when I asked you to marry me?” Jeno would whisper in their bed. Their bodies tied together and wrapped in bedsheets. A lazy grin plastered itself on Jaemin’s face as he nodded._

The thought of it now was tainted. Moments like that, happy moments purged by his plague of nightmares.

He lay in bed, and he cried.

  
  
  
  


It was sometime before Jaemin started to get out of his own head. His waking state became clearer, no longer muddled with dreams - either good or bad - and though he still felt terrorised, he began to recognise the passing of the days.

He stumbled into the kitchen one morning and broke down over the sheer state of it. The floor was littered and stained, begging the question of why he didn’t have some sort of infestation yet. The counters were covered in every single dish and food item he seemed to own, the fridge too disgusting to even look at beyond a quick glance. It was weird, but he wasn’t complaining at the fact that not a single bug seemed to be flying about over his weeks worth of mess. 

Jaemin was a tidy person, he always had been. In fact, he really enjoyed tidying - and it worked out well with Jeno, who wasn’t untidy, not really, but definitely someone who would leave mess around for a while. But looking at the sheer state of his kitchen, it was enough to send him in a spiral of despair.

The kitchen was just another reminder of what had happened, of what he had lost and what he had become over the last weeks. This side of him scared him. 

The side that only just seemed to wake up. Like part of him just went to sleep right after the funeral and only just stumbled out, thinking it was the next morning but realising weeks had passed and his autopilot had left a massive shit-storm for him to clean up and sort out before he really did spiral out of control.

Jaemin sank to the grimy floor, a sob caught in his throat as he tried to avoid looking at the mess, and avoid thinking about how this was their kitchen. It was their kitchen that they’d put together as a couple, picking out countertops and the stupid, dirty tiles that he was sat on.

The day faded away and still he did not move. Until he blinked harshly and was wrapped in darkness. He could feel the hot tear slither down his cheek and he resented the warmth it gave him.

“Do you remember when you asked me to marry you?” He choked out, a mixture of sobs and the reminder he hadn’t spoken to anyone in weeks.

  
  
  
  


The next day he cleaned the kitchen. The whole kitchen from floor to ceiling, inside the fridge and the oven and the little corner that seemed to collect all the dirt in the world. 

And then he cleaned the bathroom, and the living room, even the spare room, which he hadn’t even dirtied with his grief, before finally making it to the task he’d just cleaned the whole house in attempts to avoid. 

Their bedroom, or the bedroom, he supposed - it was still far too early to say his room.

It didn’t make much sense to him, but stepping into the bedroom that evening, bin bags and cleaning products bunched together in his arms, weighed on him heavier than anything. He wasn’t there to do anything but clean, change the sheets, collect some well-needed laundry, and yet it seemed like the air had a completely different aura to when he left hours before to clean the kitchen.

Jaemin willed himself to be strong. He had already cleaned most of the house, and that was so, so hard. He could forgive himself if he didn’t clean the bedroom now, but he knew how badly he needed to, not just on a physical level. It had only been a few weeks, nearly a month since Jeno had gone, but doing this would mark something positive, and he clung to that.

“Nearly a month,” Jaemin whispered, echoing his thoughts aloud. He took a shaky breath before slumping down to sit on the foot of the bed.

Before he could depart down some disastrous spiel the landline rang out. For a second, he could only sit in confusion, the sound unfamiliar to him. Not because no one had rang before, but because his mobile was the device being blown up with messages recently. His friends and family decided they’d had enough of radio silence pretty quickly and bombarded him with daily messages in their attempt to not be overbearing but refusing to not hear from him.

Jaemin trudged to the living room, answering the phone before it could go to the answer machine.

“Hello?” Jaemin called out.

The other side was silent.

“Hello?” He asked again, this time he was met with heavy breathing that shot terror down his spine, “Who’s there?” His voice was shaky, and met with nothing but the continued breathing sounds.

Jaemin felt his whole body quake as he freaked out. His mind jolted his arm to hang up before the call got any worse. 

His heart froze in fear as the phone rang out again, his breath taken from him at the loud rings paralysing him. 

He tried to take a calming breath before picking up quickly.

“Hello?” Jaemin cried.

“Darling? Jaemin? Why haven’t you been answering the phone?” Jaemin’s eyes widened, “I’ve been ringing your mobile for the last ten minutes!” He breathed heavily in relief, his mobile had died a couple hours ago while he was cleaning the living room.

“Sorry, mum,” Jaemin mumbled.

“I thought - I thought something had happened?” Jaemin’s eyes grew teary at the panic in his mother’s voice.

“I’m sorry, mum, I didn’t mean to - my phone died, and I-I-”

His mother interjected, “Not to worry, darling. You’ve picked up now, and anyway I just wanted to tell you that I’m coming over tomorrow, alright?”

“What -” Jaemin panicked, “Mum, there’s really no need,” His tongue seemed to work on autopilot as it strung words together, insisting she did not come.

“Nonsense, you haven’t let me over this entire time, and frankly, Jaemin, we’re all worried, Mark and Renjun are coming too - and don’t start cleaning the entire house or anything we’re coming over to take care of you!”

Jaemin got emotional, terrified with how he’d been distancing himself from family, even though it felt so heavy to even form a conversation.

“Yes, mum,” Jaemin replied. He wiped his tears quickly.

“I really miss you, baby, I don’t want to smother you, but we’re all so worried, and you won’t let us over, I can stay with you for as long as you need, baby.”

“I know, ma,” His throat twisted as he spoke, “I really miss you, too - but I am fine, really.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” His mother sounded doubtful.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Jaemin replied, his voice sounded lighter.

“See you tomorrow, darling - and seriously, do not go cleaning up!”

The phone beeped as she hung up. The call from before completely forgotten as he rushed back to his bedroom, flinging clothes into his arms with no recognition if they were his or _his_ , and shoving them in the washing machine before running back and tidying everything as quickly as he physically could.

It was his best night’s sleep in a long, long time.

  
  
  
  


“I did tell you not to clean didn’t I?” Jaemin’s mum looked unimpressed as she walked through the door and noticed the spotless house.

“I didn’t,” Jaemin grumbled back in response.

His mother could only look back knowingly before pulling him into a tight hug. She squeezed him comfortably, and he welcomed her warmth with unrealised fervour. 

Jaemin felt her pull away slightly, but only clung onto her further until she slipped back into place in his arms. She was cradling him as she did when he were a babe, rocking them gently side-to-side, hand on his nape, rubbing comforting circles on the exposed skin.

“It’s okay to cry, my darling,” She soothed, feeling the tremor build beneath her hands, she anticipated the moment of eruption, not in fear, but in longing - for him to release his emotions, and unload his horrors upon her. For it was her place to take it; as his mother, and as his fierce, fierce protector.

“I-” Jaemin did not make it further than that, a sob rang from his throat, and another and another until he was wailing in her arms and they were sinking to the floor of the hallway.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, baby,” His mother cried with him, her restraint at holding back tears weakened by the cries of her only baby, her only child all grown up.

“I miss h-him,” Jaemin cried out, “Mama, I miss him so bad,” His voice carried his words into cries as he buried his head further into her shoulder.

“I know,” She said solemnly, running a hand through his tangled hair.

“I want him back,” He whispered, “I want him back.”

His mother could not respond. 

  
  
  
  


It was hours later when Renjun and Mark showed up, cat crate and some shopping in hand. They both took one look at Jaemin, who had since showered and lay on the sofa with his mother, and wrapped him into a group hug.

“Virgo XL!” Jaemin exclaimed once he was released, grasping the crate off Renjun who gleamed as he handed him off, “Thank you for taking care of him, Renjun.”

“He was a joy to look after, Jaem, such a good boy,” Renjun cooed at the end, watching as Virgo XL bounded out of the crate and into Jaemin’s lap, nuzzling his father’s torso as he got comfortable.

Jaemin admired his boy, giving him a good scratch on his neck and behind his ear before cradling the cat in his arms and carrying him over to the sofa.

“Can I get anyone anything to drink?” Jaemin’s mum asked, having finished greeting Mark and Renjun and happily looking at her son who looked so much better than he did mere hours ago.

They all responded with a small chorus of their preferred drink as she pattered off into the kitchen.

“How have you both been?” Jaemin asked, glancing at his friends as they sat down. They both seemed to have aged in the weeks they’d been apart. Jaemin supposed they must all have matching bags under their eyes and lips that had grown, all too quickly, used to not smiling.

“I’ve been better,” Renjun responded, “It’s - well,” Jaemin’s friend paused, “It’s hard to wrap your head around, hard to realise it has really happened,” Jaemin nodded as Renjun trailed off.

“I miss him,” Mark said, his gaze locked onto a picture of Jaemin and Jeno on the coffee table.

Jaemin breathed in deeply, his own eyes avoided the picture.

“I miss him too,” Jaemin replied, his fingers wrapped in Virgo XL’s fur, “I miss him a lot, and at times -”

Mark and Renjun looked at him attentively, but he would not meet their eyes.

“At times, I just, I just forget he’s gone, like he’s - he’s really gone, and I wake up not remembering that and it’s awful.”

Mark and Renjun did not respond for a moment. Jaemin looked up tentatively and spotted a stray tear running down Renjun’s face.

“We’re always here for you, Nan- Jaem,” Mark quickly corrected himself, wiping at his own wet eyes, “And seriously, don’t come back to work yet - I mean it.”

“I won’t,” Jaemin rolled his eyes.

They came to an awkward lull in conversation. Neither friend knew what to say, was it worse to avoid the elephant in the room? Or was it worse to keep talking about it.

Jaemin wished for his mother to swiftly return from the kitchen.

He did not want to upset his friends, nor himself - he felt all cried out after the morning with his mother. The wounds were all too fresh, too confusing to really wrap his head around; and his friend’s did not know how Jaemin _really_ was, and therefore what was appropriate to talk or mention about.

“Have you cancelled the wed-” 

“Right!” Jaemin’s mum swayed in, a tray of drinks and some nibbles as she cut off Mark’s try at conversation. Mark appreciated the cut off before he dug himself a hole without thinking about it, the words flying out his mouth even though he and Renjun explicitly promised not to mention the wedding.

Jaemin was grateful too. The rest of the word, _wedding_ , might have just sent him off on another crying fit.

  
  
  
  


Having Virgo XL back was the motivation he needed to stay on top of things. The cat got him out of bed in the morning, stumbling bare foot into the kitchen to put the food together for their baby and reminding him to put food together for himself. 

Virgo XL chased away the nightmares. 

His cat’s presence in the bedroom as he drifted off to sleep managed to prevent the dreams that had been tormenting him at every moment. Up until one day, a couple weeks later, when he could sit in bed looking straight into their large bedroom mirror and not look like he was the dead one. 

But a cat can only do so much. 

It is just a fucking cat. 

And so Jaemin still could not dare himself to open the en-suite bathroom. He had not been inside there since the dreams properly started. Images of Jeno in the bathtub, in varying stages of life and decay, blood dripping down his chin - 

_Time to bake some cookies?_

_Yes._

Jaemin hauled himself out of bed, avoiding looking further into the mirror, and settled himself in the kitchen, placing Virgo XL’s breakfast down and preheating the oven. He hadn’t baked cookies since Jeno was last here. It had been sometime at this point. 

Not a long time, for he was by no means over it in any capacity and in all honesty, he probably never would be.

But long enough that he had persuaded himself into thinking this was his life and always had been his life.

Jeno wasn’t gone - Jeno had never been there to begin with.

Jaemin found that infinitely easier to deal with.

Their cat was his cat, their bedroom was his bedroom, their house, his, etc etc.

He wasn’t all that good at practicing this new reality but he corrected himself whenever he could.

It was easier.

Easier.

  
  
  
  
  


He’s in the bathtub. The warm water is nothing compared to the heat radiating off Jeno’s body. They’re pressed together, tongues sloppily tracing against each other, bodies connected in the sinful way.

They had, or rather, Jaemin had, placed candles all over the bathroom, setting the dark lighting for their third anniversary. They were bathed in golden light as they made love in the bathtub of their new home. 

Jeno had wanted to christen every room.

They laughed as the water sloshed around them, Jaemin grinned as he bent down to kiss his boyfriend. Jeno answered back with a possessive grip and a rough buck of his hips that had them moaning in union.

Jaemin wanted to live in this moment forever. 

He wanted to bottle it up and put it on a shelf to come back to, time and time again. Everything felt perfect, so perfect that his eyes welled up as he looked into Jeno’s warm eyes.

“I’ll love you forever,” Jeno had said, the finality of his words was enough to push Jaemin over the edge, swaying forward as he hurtled into ecstasy, Jeno’s words flying through his mind and bringing a lazy smile to his face.

“I love you, Nana.”

The candles had gone out. 

All light lost and the warm water felt freezing around his bare body. 

The hand on his side became frozen and stiff before vanishing completely.

Jaemin was terrified. His mind was paralysed as his eyes ran with tears, his body did not dare bring itself to move.

“Jeno?” Jaemin whimpered.

The blaring of an alarm echoed in his skull and suddenly he could not move or hear. His whole body trembled as he struggled to breathe properly.

A faint voice, foreign yet so recognisable murmured to him gently, “Move, Nana.”

He leaped out of the bath with a scream. Struggled with the door as he leaped out of the bathroom, his chest heaving with a sob.

The cookies he had attempted to make were blackened, the entire room covered with permeating smoke. Thick enough that he could bite on it. Thick enough that he did choke on it.

He spent the rest of the day snuggled up with Virgo XL in the spare room. Away from their stupid bedroom and their horrible ensuite. 

The spare room made pretending easier.

  
  
  
  
  


Two months had been and passed. 

Jaemin was yet to return to work.

Jaemin was yet to return to anything.

  
  
  
  


His mum came round nearly everyday, and Renjun, Mark, and Jisung came over whenever they could. Renjun often stayed the night whenever he could to make sure Jaemin was alright.

They cooked for him, cleaned for him, coaxed him into keeping up with his hygiene to the point of forcing him into the shower or shoving a toothbrush halfway down his throat. But Jaemin - Jaemin wasn’t the same. 

Jaemin drifted in and out of lucidness. Some moments he was wide awake, cooking for whoever was there, cradling Virgo XL in his arms. The rest of the time he lay in bed, staring at his reflection in the mirror to the point that it freaked Renjun out so much he had to leave earlier than he had planned.

  
  
  
  


Renjun could tell you that exact moment he saw Jaemin snap. 

The moment he watched as Jaemin crawled himself out of the deep recesses of his mind he had fallen into weeks prior. The moment you could see the empty eyes of a broken lover burn violent with rage.

When his months of depression and disbelief, of denial and dreams, were washed away and replaced with pure, unadulterated anger. Renjun watched the moment in slow motion; the second Jaemin’s eyes caught the cake before him, the second later as his mouth unfurled into a frustrated scream.

There was nothing any of them could do. As soon as the cake was placed before him, it was too late for them to hold him back as Jaemin leapt forward.

Jisung’s eyes grew alarmingly wide, Jaemin’s mother covered her mouth, Mark watched as his hand failed to grasp onto his bereaved friend.

Renjun could only watch.

Jaemin’s piercing scream filled the house as he attacked the cake. He threw hit after punch, slamming his hand down and swiping it across to knock the beautiful lettering off the top.

‘Lee Jeno and Na Jaemin’

By the time he was done - the cake was demolished. 

It had been horrifying to watch, and yet even more horrifying as they stood by - knowing how much Jaemin needed this release. They watched as Jaemin acted upon all their hurt.

They watched until Jaemin paused, chest heaving, turning his hands over to look at the mess he’d made; and that was when Mark stepped in, pulling Jaemin into his arms as the younger collapsed into them.

“Jeno,” Jaemin sobbed, repeating Jeno’s name over and over. 

The wedding would have been tomorrow.

Since when did it feel this good to cry?

  
  
  
  


Jaemin knew what it meant, to wake up next to the man you knew was your soulmate, in the house you owned together. Jaemin knew what it meant, to wake up and the world be draped in shades of yellow.

Consequently, Jaemin knew what it meant to feel the entire world shift.

The day it happened to him began with their bedroom soaked in warm orange as the sun awoke from his slumber. The bed was warm and toasty, and Jaemin relished in the knowledge that it was Saturday, and he could afford that extra time in bed with his fiancé.

“Jen?” Jaemin hummed, reaching his arm out. His body shook as he bolted up as his hand found his soon-to-be-husband.

Jeno was so cold.

  
  
  
  


Jaemin’s life hadn’t stopped spinning in its twisted trajectory ever since. 

Him stumbling around for his phone, trying to get Jeno to respond, the operator talking him out of a panic attack as he spluttered out their address. 

The ambulance ride that seemed to jolt all over the place yet he could not move, frozen in the moment, trying to become unstuck and freeze himself in a previous moment, any previous moment. 

The way the terrifying hospital corridors spiralled around him as he tried to get some answers. Faces of doctors and nurses and anyone he spoke to blending together until he found himself, sweating, in Jeno’s ward.

It was cold and meticulously clean, the blankets were scratchy, things never stopped beeping, and it didn’t smell like home.

And then things did stop beeping.

And Jeno wasn’t home anymore.

  
  
  
  


Jaemin took out a temporary leave of absence after the cake incident. Mark offered it, not only because he thought his friend needed it, but Jaemin assumed because he felt bad or somewhat to blame for the cake being there in the first place. Jaemin didn’t blame him. Jaemin didn’t blame anyone.

The dreams never stopped, but handling them became easier. They became a part of his life so quickly, so easy that he almost accepted their life-sucking presence.

His mum and his friends kept driving him to talk. If not to them, then someone; but honestly, Jaemin felt better. 

Not better, as in whole, or fixed, or (anything really that meant he was moving on) - but you know, better than before. He left the house these days; and that really did mean something.

Virgo XL was back in his company properly, just the two of them, and he could cook and clean and coax himself into brushing his teeth in the morning _and_ the night - thank you very much.

The air that filled his lungs was fresh now, not the air trapped inside the apartment with him and his grief. He still reached for Jeno some mornings, for old habits were hard to erase, hard to rewrite or write over. 

It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t alright. It just was.

For now, Jaemin thought, that might just be enough.

  
  
  
  


It was someone’s birthday. Jaemin can’t remember whose, he might not have even known, but he was out nonetheless. 

They were all out at a packed club, the air is hot, thick with sweat and smoke, too much alcohol and too much of everything else. 

Jisung was dancing in what seemed like a big circle of impressed party-goers. Renjun and Mark were off in a corner, perhaps not doing what that might imply; if anything they’re probably talking about Jaemin himself.

Jaemin only rolled his eyes and had another sip of his drink.

He never was that big on drinking, or partying, for that matter. Being out in that moment didn’t feel nice or great, but it felt - and for once Jaemin didn’t feel like he was alone in the universe, trapped in his house.

Jeno was great at these things, so much better than Jaemin could ever be, because Jaemin might charm the pants off people and be alarmingly chaotic with those closest to him, but Jeno - people loved to love Jeno. Jaemin was just that attractive guy with the pretty smile, Jeno - the boyfriend with the soul that could launch a thousand ships.

Maybe he was being unfair on himself. 

Jeno really had been greater at this than him though, or rather, better at getting him through these sort of big group club nights and parties without stressing about coming off as annoying or too flirtatious or anything other than just Jaemin. Jeno kept him calm.

“Jeno isn’t here, Jaem,” He murmured to himself, “Yeah, thanks, asshole.”

Jaemin’s face had pulled up into an unimpressed grimace as he realised he just fucking talked to himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and downed his drink as his mind echoed the word “sweetheart” around in teasing circles.

  
  
  


It was countless more drinks down before he bid farewell to the friends that he could find, and suddenly he was stumbling out of the club and into his bedroom. 

He knew he was with someone else. Felt their presence behind him as he wobbled through the house. If he closed his eyes hard enough he could pretend it was Jeno.

It was fast sex, animalistic without the comfort of a lover, rough minus all the passion. Jaemin understood it for what it was. 

Getting off - for both of them. A quick fuck.

It still leaves him hot and breathless and he gasps excruciatingly as he’s pushed further to completion. 

The other man is holding him tightly, firm hands on his body as their bodies are brought together in awkward rhythm and uncomfortable sounds that used to turn him on but just make him think of making love with Jeno.

The other man knew what he was doing as he brought them both to a heavy orgasm. Bodies panting as they remained unmoving as they are, intertwined.

Jaemin nearly drifted off in the arms of the other man. It felt nice, having someone beside him for once, someone that would hold him. 

He bit his lip in guilt.

“Hey, sweetheart,” The stranger murmured as they separated, Jaemin felt his heart freeze, his descent marked further as the stranger pressed a chaste kiss just behind his ear.

“Leave,” Jaemin whispered, a long tear trickled from his eye.

The other man did not say a word. Did not move or make a sound but Jaemin knew he is still there from the weight of the bed - their bed, someone else is in their bed and he feels sick and hot and he needs Jeno he needs him back because there is a stranger in their bed who kissed him softly and held him but it’s not Jeno and its their fucking bed - 

“Get out!” Jaemin cried. 

He did not hear the front door shut beyond the sound of his helpless cries once the stranger had wafted off from beside him.

  
  
  
  


His night was not dreamless. 

  
  
  


iii.

Once he accepted what he wanted, everything became easier. Actually easier, this time.

He felt reborn. Renewed for the sake of what he knew needed to be done.

  
  
  
  


iv.

“What exactly are you expecting to find?” Renjun said.

Jaemin had returned home from one of his trips to find his friend sat on the sofa, Virgo XL was curled up on his lap, and Jaemin sent the feline a betrayed look before he dropped his stuff down on the floor.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jaemin insisted. He paced into the kitchen, his hands grabbed a glass and headed over to the sink, making sure to time it just right to tune Renjun out with the water pressure as he tried to interrogate him.

“You know exactly what I am talking about, Na,” Jaemin nearly jumped a mile as Renjun huffed down his neck, having snuck up behind him as revenge for not listening to him.

“Nope, no idea, Junnie,” Jaemin sing-songed, taking a meaningful sip of his water, his eyebrow raised as he looked at Renjun.

Renjun rolled his eyes.

“Could’ve at least offered me a drink, I am a guest.”

“Uh-uh you’re not a guest, you turned up here, uninvited, while I was out,” Jaemin countered, “And besides, you’re my best friend, that hardly classes as a guest.”

“Brat,” Renjun muttered, getting his own drink and rummaged about in Jaemin’s cupboards for a snack.

Jaemin smiled to himself.

“So what have you been doing?” Renjun asked.

His smile fell.

“Going to the library,” Jaemin offered, not looking at his friend.

“Well, that I already know - I followed you.”

“Psycho,” Jaemin clicked his tongue, “Why are you so obsessed with me.”

Renjun knew Jaemin was just teasing, it was like a little glimmer of Jaemin’s chaotic personality from before Jeno died. He craved for these moments when Jaemin seemed whole again.

“I am not obsessed with you of all people, you disgusting boy,” Jaemin made a kissy face, “I’m just worried you’re going gallivanting off into the big scary world and getting into all sorts of trouble.”

“I am not! I was only at the library, Junnie,” Jaemin swayed off to the living room, “I can read you know!”

“You weren’t at the library today - oh, and the camping gear that’s right behind you definitely gives it away.”

Jaemin matched Renjun’s mocking smile, with an exaggerated fake one. He slumped down on the sofa. To tell him or not tell him.

“Alright, you caught me, I’ve got a new found interest in camping,” He smiled. Renjun squinted at his saccharine smile. 

“You’re lying.”

“I am not lying!”

“You just lied again,” Jaemin swore under his breath.

“I really have been going camping.”

“Yeah but you’re lying about having an interest in camping and - OH! Jaemin! For Christ’s sake.”

“What,” Jaemin pouted, looking innocently.

“Is this to do with you asking for my aunt’s stepson’s best friend’s younger brother?” Renjun looked at him with a sharp look.

“Maybe,” Jaemin admitted awkwardly, “Also he’s your cousin’s best friend’s younger brother. You could at least make it easy for me to remember.”

“One, and it’s a big one - Yangyang is not my cousin, I refuse on every level, and two - I told you to stay the fuck away from this, Jaem.”

  
  
  
  


It had started like this; Jaemin had watched one too many a movie about demon summoning. It was enough to convince him that that was the solution to the current biggest problem in his life (which admittedly, was a big problem - you know, the dead fiancé).

The first step in his plan was to talk to Renjun, because if anyone were to know anyone it would be Renjun. His friend had also talked about his somehow relation and how they were trying to practice dark magic.

When Renjun refused to give him the contact of his cousins-friends-whatever he turned to Google. Perhaps he could have used the illustrious search engine to find renjun’s cousins-friends-whatever; but he can only remember the name Chen and he’s not sure how common that is in China. (He assumed it’s pretty common and would have way too many results, what with Chen from EXO and the many millions of search results alone he would procure; but he figured it was worth a shot (it wasn’t (and the cousin’s-friend’s- whatever wasn’t even called Chen - which goes to show how much he had been listening to the latest album.)))

Google helped him even less. 

He ended up down a path of heading to various places recommended by eons old reddit subs (eons old by internet standards at least). Reddit let him down one last time, because being chased by an angry looking man shouting at him for trespassing was not how he was expecting this whole demon hunting - demon searching (?) to go.

He came home from the trespassing situation to find Renjun on his sofa and there we are.

Renjun and his very unimpressed look.

  
  
  
  


Renjun stayed over that night. He gave him a very long lecture about messing with things he didn’t understand. But Jaemin knows Renjun went easy on him, he supposed Renjun understood. 

They all wanted Jeno back.

“This could be a real chance at getting him back, Jun,” Jaemin had whispered into the night. They shared Jaemin’s spare room, whispering under the covers about everything into the early hours.

“I know, Jaem, but - “ Renjun shuffled from his back to his side to face Jaemin, “This is dangerous stuff to mess with, and besides, you don’t even know if it’s really going to work, and then what? I don’t want you to be disappointed and I definitely don’t want you to get hurt.”

Jaemin didn’t reply straight away. 

“I need him back, Injun,” Jaemin paused, “I - I don’t know how to function without him, it’s like the universe gave me this amazing life and then was like oh, wait - and fucking stole the rug from beneath my feet and nothing will ever be the same anymore.”

“Jaem,” Renjun said softly.

“You don’t need to say anything,” Jaemin said, “I know you’re going through a hard time too.”

“We’re all having a hard time, me, Mark, Sungie, but Jaem - none of us were you, Jeno meant so, so much to us but we all lost our own Jeno, and he meant different things to each of us,” Renjun gripped Jaemin’s hand, “You lost the person who meant the world to you, Jaem - and it’s not going to be okay, it’s never going to be okay, but you’ll learn to cope with it, you will get through it.” 

Renjun gripped his hand harder, his own eyes welled up with tears as he tried to persuade Jaemin.

“Jun,” Jaemin whispered.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“I do,” Jaemin insisted, “I do.”

Renjun felt the tears fall from his eyes, and nodded, “Okay.”

  
  
  
  
  


Renjun’s sort of approval meant everything to Jaemin. 

He flung himself back into his research and trips until the house he had called home for so long felt foreign to him. He still looked after Virgo XL and kept the place clean, but it didn’t feel like he belonged there anymore, like something had awoken elsewhere, and was calling out to him.

The call led him all over the country.

From the mountains to the thick forests, to the tiny, abandoned villages - something was whispering right into his soul, drawing him in.

Every morning he awoke with one goal, to find a demon, to find the demon. Every morning he would wake up and stare in the bedroom mirror (or the hand held one, if he were camping) and repeat over and over, like a mantra tying him to existence, “I will find the answer to my problem.”

It took a long time for him to get anywhere with his work. Jisung called him most nights. Asking about how he is, where he goes off to, and Jaemin wishes with all his might that he could simply tell Jisung what was happening, but he just couldn’t. Jaemin’s young friend was still so small; so tall and yet so hopelessly unaware of the world, not naive or stupid, but perhaps inexperienced in adulthood. Jisung was just a baby. A tall baby, but a small baby Jaemin wanted to swaddle in blankets forever nonetheless.

His mother was worried sick, but she’d travelled back to their hometown. Jeno’s mum needed her, and while she was desperate to support her son - Jaemin encouraged his mother to go back and support her longest friend. 

Jaemin spent a lot of time thinking about grief as he wandered through parts of the country he never could have imagined. He thought about his friends and their grief, as he splashed through thick muddy puddles, he thought about what Jeno’s death had done to everyone he knew as he pitched a tent in an overgrown field, and he thought about what it was like, to lose a son, a child, as he woke up in the morning and admired the dew on the morning grass.

He had moved on a long time ago from comparing people’s grief to his own. He hoped that there would never come a day when he could compare Jeno’s mother’s grief to his own, who could compare hers to his. Jeno’s mother had lost a lover and now she had lost a child. Jaemin could not imagine the hell that might feel like, for he hated his own bereavement desperately. Desperately enough to be standing in a cold, wet field at sunrise as he waited for the water to boil for his tea and to start his next day of his demon search.

  
  
  
  


The saga of trying to find the right answers, and the additional adventure of trying to find the right questions to garner the right answers, lasted for what felt like months. 

Mark later informed him it really was only a few weeks. But it was a bizarre few weeks for everyone in any case.

The search ended abruptly, and by accident. For Jaemin had looked at his map wrong, taken a wrong turn, and ended up in a freaky looking clearing when he intended to head back to the nearest village. The area he was at was the site of numerous disappearances, and the crossroads just before the village were situated not far from a convergence of ley lines. 

Jaemin slumped his backpack down to the ground as the path he was following led him through a large cascade of leaf-filled tree branches and into a woody clearing. The grass was an overgrown mess, and what seemed to have been a path was decimated by the wildlife and with age. The once pebbled path was left with sandy remains, dusted about on the yellowing grass and winding round to the house that sat in the far side. 

It wasn’t a large house, Jaemin thought it a mere cottage if anything, with a thatched roof and square windows. Jaemin was wholly endeared.

He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he felt he had never been in the right place more than in that moment, as he took his fast step out of the treeline and into the clearing. His feet brought his body closer and closer to the house, his socks already soaked in the long grass.

Jaemin stood before the house before he even had time to think about whether or not he should approach it.

When the door swung open and a figure stepped out, Jaemin was further confused. Before him was a young, attractive woman. She was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a long knitted jumper. Her hair pulled back off her face, messily - for function than anything else. He noted the dirty marks around her cheeks and the pensive look in her eye.

“Hello,” Jaemin said, rather stupidly.

“Hi,” She grinned. The woman winked at him, as he stepped forward to start speaking.

Her smile quickly dropped, and her head tilted to the side to examine him.

“Hmm,” She hummed under her breath, “No, this won’t do.”

Jaemin watched in disbelief as she transformed herself to look younger, his face displayed distrubed shock as she morphed her appearance into a young girl - a child really.

“Well, that is a relief, but what about -” Jaemin could only stare as she transformed once again, her face shifting older until it had long passed the point of what it was before.

“Oh,” She grinned, “This is great.” She settled back into how she looked before.

Jaemin was very bewildered, his mouth was hung slightly open in confusion. His whole face screamed confused and the young woman could only laugh at him.

“Uh, who are you?” Jaemin asked, he looked at her, as she did him.

“Would you like to come in first - I believe we have lots to talk about.”

Jaemin was hesitant in following the stranger inside the house, but it looked warm, and whether warm meant safe he did not seem to care, for warm meant not standing in the cold, wet field any longer.

“What’s your name?” Jaemin asked, again searching for some way to identify the person before him.

“I deal with names, I shall not reveal my own, Na Jaemin.”

“B-But, how did -”

“How did I know your name?” Jaemin nodded, he sat down on the sofa, in the spot closest to the fireplace.

“I know so much about you, Jaemin, so many of us do.”

Jaemin shut his mouth before further unintelligible sounds erupted and embarrassed him in front of the welcoming stranger.

“I know about you, and your mourning over the moon, I know the answers you seek. I know you wish to return the moon to yourself, but are stuck looking for the sun; oh,” The woman paused, her eyes did not look at Jaemin. Her eyes, once trained at Jaemin - piercing into him - had flittered elsewhere, staring vacantly across the room, “You do not know you are searching for the sun, oh, sweetheart - this will cause you much grief.”

Jaemin was lost in the woman’s allegories. What on earth was she on about.

“You seek both the sun and the moon, you seek the sun for the moon and yet the sun seeks you just the same, yet you do not know your chaser’s name?”

“I’m sorry, but can you please tell me what the hell is going on, I was following a map to the nearby village.”

“My boy, there is no nearby village, for the answers you seek are not there, but before you, I know what you seek and I have an offer for you,” She beckoned him closer and he sat forward on the seat, “A life in exchange for a name.”

Jaemin finally understood the woman before him and her twisting language - she was a witch. After all his searching across the country and nights spent hunched over dusty old books in the library he was so close.

“Hold on,” He smiled cleverly, “A life for a name is hardly fair.”

The witch shrugged, “But you know what you need the name for - is it not, a life for a life?”

“Should I find the demon I seek, I will already have to make such a deal, why should I give two lives for one?” Jaemin countered, his eyebrows raised. He had read about all manners of witches, and was not going to let himself fall into a trap.

“Hmm,” She smiled, youthfully, as if Jaemin’s unwillingness meant nothing to her, “How do you know that they will ask for a life - a demon can ask for anything, and the demon that you seek has already decided what they want. It has been talked about for some time now.”

“What do you mean?” Jaemin’s eyes narrowed, “I thought it was a life for a life - and the demon already wants something from me? Why can’t they just come forward then?” Jaemin felt frustrated, at the witch before him and at the complicated situation.

“They have power beyond what you mortals understand, and no matter what - a demon must still be summoned; which, young one, brings us back to our deal - a life for a name, or the Summer will look for a way to Spring for ever, and ever, and ever -”

“Alright,” Jaemin interrupted with his chin held high, his eyes looked straight into her dark ones, her dark hair falling gracefully over her face. He did not dare look at her for long, for her beauty was unearthly and he feared her power, “I will make a deal with you for the demon’s name, but not for a life.”

“I want a life in return for a name,” The witch was unrelenting, she flopped down on the sofa opposite him. It was surprisingly uncharacteristic for a witch, he thought, and she appeared frustrated at their impasse.

“Then it should be a name for a name,” Jaemin responded, smiling to himself at what seemed a clever suggestion. His smile faltered only slightly at the wide smile that blossomed on her face.

“A name for a name then,” She said gleefully. Jaemin’s eyes followed as she looked around the room. It was clean, but rather cluttered. Various things hung from the ceiling and the sink looked full of pots and pans. The cauldron over the fireplace bubbled excitedly as they spoke and a cat curled up on the armchair flicked their tail.

The witch jumped up suddenly, and Jaemin jolted back in his seat and was embraced by the sofa as he watched her dance over to the large chest of drawers.

“Oh,” She sighed, her arm deep in a drawer as she sighed in frustration, “I know it’s in here somewhere.”

“What -”

“Got it!” She exclaimed, and made her way back over to him. In her hands was a notebook and some sort of pen, and as she sat down she drew a dagger from inside her warm looking cloak. 

Jaemin felt his heart stutter in his chest as she gripped the dagger. It was an attractive weapon, silver and well-crafted with intricate designs. He admired it, considering what it was, and his jaw dropped as the witch swiped it across her palm.

The blood pooled in her hand as she held it out for him. Jaemin looked at her with confusion and fear, as she rolled her eyes and passed a ripped page of the notebook and the pen, shoving it into his apprehensive arms.

“Go on,” She gestured, “Write a name.”

Jaemin froze as he gripped the pen in his hand. 

A name?

He had already agreed to her conditions, a name for a name.

Yet what was he to do, what could he do? Write his enemy’s name? Write his own mother’s?

It had to mean something, it had to - but how could he offer up someone’s name, knowing the power of a name and what it might mean for the person? Could he give up his mother for this, his friends?

But it could be any name, right?

“Hurry, young one, before the blood dries,” The witch coaxed him from his thoughts. 

He nervously dipped the pen into the blood and watched in fascination as it soaked most of it up. Jaemin did not have much time to be amazed before he was confronted with his task. He brought the pen to paper and watched the blood seep into the miniscule ridges.

He wrote the name quickly, as if doing so would prevent him from blame, so he could wipe off his actions as though it had never happened. He knew he had chosen a “good” name, one that would give him answers - though he had reservations about just how “good” of a name it was for something like this. 

Jeno would never forgive him, he whimpered as his mind brought these thoughts to the surface of his consciousness. 

Jaemin watched the witch, who watched as tears fell down his face and he shakingly handed the slip of paper back to her.

Jaemin watched the witch as she admired the name on the slip of paper, her face blank as she tossed it into the fire.

The fire erupted beneath the cauldron, swarming in a green flood as it circled the cauldron, before it changed violently into a deep purple that swallowed up the cauldron, until it slowly died back down again.

“What just happened?” Jaemin asked, his gaze glued to the fireplace and the explosion of colour that had just taken place, that left the place in the same state it was moments prior.

A knock interrupted them as the sound brushed through the house.

“There’s your name,” The witch stood up, opening the window as a crow flew in and circled around the room thrice before dropping a slip of paper, Jaemin dared guess it was the same paper he had written on moments ago. The crow left them immediately.

The witch tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear as she read the name on the paper, her eyes betrayed her disappointment.

“What is it?” Jaemin asked softly. His hands reached forward to take the slip.

Jaemin recognised his handwriting in the world scrawled across the paper. He did not recognise this name, and he had seen many demons' names written down, none of which being the one he needed - the one on this slip of paper.

“Hae-”

“Jaemin!” The witch forgot herself as she spoke his name, warning him to say no more as she clasped the paper into his hand.

“How did you -”

“The demon seems to not be ready to reveal himself, he has given you his other name in the meantime.”

“But we said a name for a name,” Jaemin said, his eyes wide with worry.

“And so it is, the deal will be completed when the moment is right,” The witch smiled at him with pity, “It is now time for you to leave, young one.”

She stood up and walked over to the doorway, beckoning him over with a wave of her hand.

“I cannot give you my name,” The witch smiled once more, almost sadly, like she knew this was the final smile, like a lover saying their last goodbye. Jaemin was not her lover, but he felt her loss, Jaemin hardly knew her, and yet did - for now the two shared a bound beyond the natural world, “But if you shall ever need me, call ‘Red Velvet’ into the mirror three times.”

“Really?” Jaemin’s eyes had lit up, “Does that work?”

“No,” She laughed as his excitement dropped off his pretty face, “But perhaps we will see each other one day.”

When Jaemin walked through the doorway, he was not back in the field but instead his own home. His camping gear lay in the hallway, and the slip of paper was gripped in his fist.

  
  
  
  


Jaemin began to see the name everywhere. 

When his favourite mug cracked in the shape of an H. A billboard in the city with the name blown up in massive purple lettering.

It haunted him as the horrific dreams of Jeno had done earlier in the year and yet this time he was bewitched by it.

The nightmares left him empty, afraid to sleep and afraid to wake, stuck in a pit of grief and despair, the haunting of the name Haechan brought with it the promise of hope. The promise of reunion.

Maybe a haunting wasn’t all that bad, after all.

He often spoke with Renjun about what had happened with the witch. The elder had lapped up the information and hated to admit how interested he was in what had happened to Jaemin that day. However, even the tales of his adventures and the cauldron and the crow could not prevent Renjun from worrying about his dear friend.

Jaemin had fallen into a dark place. It was a very different brand of chasmic dark place from those long months after Jeno’s death, and yet perhaps it was worse. This new period gave Jaemin hope, gave him something to live for that wasn’t sustainable, wasn’t healthy.

Renjun was filled with dread whenever Jaemin brought it up, which was all the time, and he prayed - prayed! - that everything would end up alright; whether or not Jaemin actually managed to bring Jeno back or not.

  
  
  
  


They couldn’t find Haechan. Or the demon who used the moniker. 

Jaemin would go to sleep, after a rough day of spotting ‘H’ at every turn, with Virgo XL in his arms. The cat loved affection, more so since Jeno’s passing, and happily curled up under Jaemin’s arms and gently pawed at his face in the morning when he wanted to be fed and knew his person had to eat too.

Virgo XL was Jaemin’s favourite thing in the whole world. 

He would go to sleep, his mind going over his decision over and over again. The moment replayed in his head, taunting his decision, taunting the moment he gripped the blood soaked pen and sewed the letters together.

And it hadn’t even paid off. He didn’t get the demon’s true name; instead he was stuck with a fucking letter popping up at everyturn and the name ‘Haechan’ which didn’t pop up in any of his and Renjun’s research.

Jaemin cried himself to sleep one night.

The next morning he awoke as an angry man. 

The universe had a cunning way of taking everything from him.

  
  
  
  


“Virg?” Jaemin muttered as he felt a pat against his face. Virgo XL was nowhere to be found. 

He sat up abruptly, his palm cupped his cheek where he was sure he had felt something press against him.

Jaemin’s eyes darted around the room. He jumped out of bed and into the living room, which was where he found the blood.

Virgo XL lay motionless on the floor. His small body was curled in on himself as if he were sleeping, the only giveaway to what happened was the blood staining his fur and pooling around him.

Jaemin screamed, his body collapsing against the doorframe of his room as his eyes never left the unmoving body of his cat.

He could not stop crying once the first tear was shed. His nails dug into his skull as he could not tear away from the sight in front of him.

“Virg,” Jaemin cried out, called out, he knew there was no chance but he clung to hope.

His cat was dead. His and Jeno’s cat was dead.

Virgo was their baby.

Jaemin crawled towards the tiny body. Another sob left his throat as he stroked his hand against the wet fur. He grasped it between his fingers, feeling the fur in between his hands as he pet the cat. His knee dipped into the blood surrounding the body but he did not notice, he was stuck on his pet’s face.

He looked like he was still sleeping. 

His eyes were shut and his mouth slightly open. He looked so peaceful.

“Virgo,” Jaemin cooed, tears still running down his face, “Virg?”

Jaemin ran his thumb over Virgo XL’s head, scratching behind the cat’s ear.

“Virg, can you look after Jeno for me, hmm? He always was your favourite, right? Now you have to look after him for me,” A lump caught in his throat, choking his words and forcing them down, “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m sorry I did this to you,” His shoulders shook as he sobbed into his red-stained hands.

He remained crouched down for a while, crying behind his hands as regret filled his body. When he finally moved his hands down and opened his eyes properly, there was one thing that stood out.

The writing on the floor.

Written in his precious cat’s blood, in scrawled print, lay one word - one name.

“Donghyuck.”

  
  


v.

Jaemin was beside himself with anger. At himself, mostly, but at a lot of things too.

When his friends next came over, which was soon after they had heard the news of what had happened to Virgo XL, they knew something had changed within him. Jisung was even more concerned than usual, beyond that of even Mark, who had been calling Jaemin most days just for a quick check-up after work. 

Renjun knew what had happened best of all, for Jaemin had not shared what he’d been searching for with Mark and Jisung. His friendship with Renjun had always been different, not better, just different. They were the type of friends who stayed up for hours from the dark night to the light early mornings, talking about all things that stretched further than their wildest daydreams. The two had an understanding of each other that Jaemin did not have with the other two, a kindredship in the search for universal truths. The demon searching had brought them closer together in these last months.

When Mark and Jisung left, their little group’s youngest strayed behind to make sure if he should really leave, but Mark pulled him along, holding his hand as they made their way out of the door.

“Was it - “ Renjun ran off as Jaemin started nodding.

“I have the name now,” Jaemin stated. Renjun noticed his eyes became more red and watery as he spoke.

“Jaem, it’s not your fault.”

“Of course it is!” Jaemin exclaimed darkly, “Jeno would hate me for it, I sacrificed our cat for a fucking name!”

“Okay,” Renjun said gently, “But - “

“But nothing, Jun,” Jaemin said pathetically, “What if this stupid name doesn’t even work, then what? I basically had my baby murdered for nothing.”

“Not for nothing,” Renjun insisted, “Never for nothing - I don’t exactly agree with this whole thing, Jaem - but, don’t you see?” 

“See what?” Jaemin muttered, he brought his knees up to his chest as he curled up more on the sofa, avoiding looking at his friend.

“Something killed Virgo, Jaem - and wrote a name we haven’t even come across yet - that’s not an accident or coincidence, that’s all the proof we needed that there’s a chance you can bring Jeno back.”

“I guess,” Jaemin pouted.

“Hey!” Jaemin looked up alarmed at Renjun, “Jaemin, a demon killed your cat and gave you it’s name - go fucking find it before I make you, or you’ll sit here on this sofa feeling guilty for the rest of your life.” 

Renjun gripped onto Jaemin’s knee as he spoke. Trying to convince his friend that this was his chance to do what he’d been trying to do for months.

“On the other hand, this just proves how dangerous this shit is, and I don’t know if it’s really safe to be messing about with it more than you already - “

“Jun,” Jaemin complained, “You’re right - it is dangerous, ok - I know this, but you were right before too, I’ve gotten this far - I’ve got to complete this, or what am I left with - a dead fiancé and a dead cat? I can’t go on like this!”

“You have us,” Renjun said, Jaemin’s eyes softened. He reached out for Renjun’s hands and squeezed them gently. 

“I know, I’m sorry - I do have you guys, but I can’t ask you all to look after me forever.” Jaemin insisted.

“You wouldn’t have to ask,” Renjun countered, Jaemin nodded at Renjun’s stern gaze, “But, you’re right - I am right, and you should do this. I don’t want you to get hurt but you’ve made it this far;” Renjun paused, letting go of Jaemin’s hands he stood up and made his way over to his rucksack, “Besides, my very good cousin’s friend’s - ah, fuck it - my very good friend, Chenle, already sent this to me.”

Jaemin watched as Renjun pulled out a thick book from the bag. It was old, ancient really, and if it didn’t look so heavy, Jaemin would be worried it would break just from holding it. The pages looked wonky and out of place, sticking up at odd angles, and the spine itself was creased and wrinkled in harsh lines.

“What - what is it?” Jaemin asked, his eyes were fixated on the book as if it had bewitched him.

“It’s what you need now you have the name - it tells you everything you need to summon the demon,” Renjun held the book out for his friend, Jaemin tentatively reached for it, but Renjun pulled back quickly before he could grasp it, “You have to be careful, Jaemin, promise me you’ll be careful?”

Jaemin nodded, “I promise.”

Renjun handed the book over, watching as Jaemin held it gently in his hands. The man marvelled at the book in his hands, tracing over the leather cover with a finger tip before carefully opening it up, feeling the rough pages and taking in the deep wood smell of the paper.

“It’s a new moon tonight - checked before coming over, you should go soon, before nightfall,” Renjun told him.

“Go where?” Jaemin asked in confusion, he had yet to turn the first actual page.

“The nearest woods, somewhere remote, you need to be in nature; I already read most of what you need - I - I actually packed everything for you already,” Renjun said sheepishly.

“God, you knew you’d convince me, you arse,” Renjun chuckled and handed the whole bag over. 

“I’ll leave now, Jaem - make sure you read as much as possible from the book, but try and leave before it gets to 3pm, I don’t want you gallivanting through the woods at night time trying to make a deal with a demon.”

“You won’t come?” Jaemin asked shyly, joining Renjun as the elder started moving towards the door. Renjun shook his head apologetically.

“I can’t, Jaem, this is between you and the demon, we need to separate or the deal might get worse for you - if they think it’s for two of us then they’ll charge us double,” Renjun explained, he grasped Jaemin’s hand one last time before he left, “Move quick, don’t be reckless, and stay safe - call me when you get back.”

“Thank you, Injun,” Jaemin said sincerely, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Renjun smiled faintly, before leaving swiftly, his smile falling as soon as he turned around, and tears slipped down his face.

As soon as Jaemin shut the door he burst into action, running down the hallway and to the book. He had a couple hours before he had to leave and he had to pour over the book, paying attention to as much detail as possible. 

He rummaged through the bag for what Renjun had brought him, and then rummaged through his cupboards and changed into appropriate outdoor clothes.

Renjun had not specified exactly which woods to head to, so he had to pull up the maps search and find the best place to go according to the book’s description. 

Jaemin worked on overdrive until he really had to leave, his stuff packed together and boots tied up. 

“This is really it,” Jaemin whispered as he was about to exit the house himself. He shut the door behind him before he had time to regret it. He had dedicated months of his life to this, he couldn’t just back out now, not when he was so close. 

Jaemin felt his eyes grow wet at the thought, he was so close to seeing Jeno again. 

The drive over to the forest had his mind giddy with scenarios of what he was going to do once Jeno was back. Jaemin had not wanted to believe so deeply that he would definitely be getting Jeno back, but once he had started thinking about it, he could not stop. He had fallen into the trap of thinking about their future together, it no longer was the future that never happened, it was the future that will happen.

Never mind how they’ll pull off Jeno somehow resurrecting from the dead several months after his funeral, and never mind how they were going to explain to either of their parents, or their friends, or Jeno’s work. But it didn’t matter - because Jeno would be here with him to figure it out.

Jaemin was stuck on it, even as he climbed out of the car and started making his way through the forest, his feet walking on auto-pilot as he thought of Jeno. Jeno’s stupid, perfect smile, the way he was Jaemin’s moon, guiding him in the darkest of nights; he even thought of Jeno’s obsession with his cooking, and the way he hated getting into bed at night and hated getting out of bed in the morning.

Jaemin was getting it all back.

When his mind finally snapped him out of his deep thoughts, he was in thick forestry. Tall trees surrounded him from every direction. The earth was wet beneath his feet and the forest smelt of wood and petrichor.

“Shit,” Jaemin muttered, “Guess here is as good as anywhere.”

He maneuvered his rucksack off his back and onto the ground and rifled around for the specific contents he needed.

It took some time for him to prepare everything. Renjun had insisted evocation was easy but Jaemin would completely disagree, for one - where did Renjun even get half the shit on the list?

When he was done, the summoning circle made to the best of his poor artistic ability, black candles lit in every direction, his eyes screwed up in anticipation, Jaemin started saying the incantation.

It took some time to mutter the entire thing, and once he finally opened his eyes he was no longer alone.

Jaemin felt suffocated at the weight of the truth before him. He had summoned a demon. An actual, real-life demon. 

Jeno could come back. 

“You summoned for me, human?” The demon teased. Jaemin choked up, his eyes wet.

“I want my boyfriend back - I want my fiancé back,” Jaemin crumpled to the wet earth, “I want - I want Jeno back, I want Jeno back, please,” Jaemin begged, a sob catching in his throat as he stared up at the demon before him.

“Please, bring Jeno back, I’ll do anything, anything,” He cried

The forest was eerily silent save for Jaemin’s pathetic sniffles.

His whole body wracked with tremors the longer the demon stays silent.

“Anything?” The demon pulled a taunting smirk on its face.

“Anything,” Jaemin whispered back, a lone tear burning down his face.

  
  
  
  


vi.

Now, if Jaemin was honest, he didn’t really understand what had just happened and why this literal demon was in his house. 

One moment he was sobbing in his hands, his knees covered in dirt as he spoke to the demon for the first time. In the next he was rendered speechless at what was unravelling.

“Let’s get you home,” The demon had said, stepping closer until Jaemin toppled backwards.

“What?” The demon pulled him up to his feet, Jaemin pushed him off as the demon kept trying to fit him in his arms, “No, stop! Stop!” Jaemin shoved the demon away from him as hard as he can.

“You’re supposed to bring Jeno back,” He glared murderously at the demon before him.

“And I will,” The demon smirked, “But before we actually go through with the deal, I need to make sure you know what you’re doing - it’s policy, a new policy I admit,” The demon himself looked confused as he stared off into the distance, “But hey, guess we started making too many deals and now we have too many souls! So, new policy.”

The demon had chuckled at Jaemin’s lost expression, and before he knew it, Jaemin was standing in his living room with a demon holding his hand.

“So let me get this straight,” Jaemin began, “You - a demon - want to live with me for the next six months, to make sure I - “

“ - Understand the gravity of what you’re doing, yeah,” The demon nodded, “We have been through this four times already, and it’s not really that I want to live with you for the next six months, six days, and six hours - but hey, I get a sweet deal out of it.”

“And my car is still in the woods?”

“No, your car is outside,” The demon pulled back the curtain to reveal Jaemin’s car parked outside, “Oh, and also - stop referring to me as ‘The Demon’ it’s getting kinda annoying, I have a name, which you do know, I left it for you.”

Jaemin’s face dropped.

“You killed my cat,” He said defeatedly, sitting down onto the sofa.

“Uh, yeah - again, that wasn’t exactly my fault - you did write the name, so…” Donghyuck trailed off.

The silence swamped them as they looked at eachother.

Jaemin looked at Donghyuck, properly that is - for the first time. Took in the demon’s shape, his lean figure and handsome face. His eyes were enthralled with Donghyuck’s appearance, watching him blink in slow-fucking-motion, his smooth skin was perfect, his lips looked soft - and oh, god - Donghyuck was really attractive.

Jeno’s face came into his mind and his stomach ached in guilt. How could he even look at another, especially as he was in the presence of the demon he was going to sell his soul to in order to get Jeno back.

“Anyway, about the deal, don’t worry about all that for now - as it stands, and as it probably will stand, it’s a pretty hefty deal - you get a life in exchange for a soul; which I supposed is your husband’s life in exchange for your soul, yadda yadda - basically once you die your soul belongs to me.”

“Jeno was my fiancé - not my husband,” Jaemin corrects softly, his eyes looked down to his interwoven fingers and avoided Donghyuck’s sharp stare.

“Right - well, you get the point,” Donghyuck coughed rather awkwardly, “To actually seal the deal there’s lots of different ways, most involving various bodily fluids,” Jaemin’s eyes snapped up at the mentions of bodily fluids.

“I - I - Oh,” Jaemin cut himself off, his cheeks flamed up.

“So, where shall I put my stuff?” Donghyuck grinned. Jaemin faltered.

“Oh, I’ll show you to - your room?” Jaemin cringed at his questioning tone.

Jaemin walked along to the guest bedroom, Donghyuck trailed behind him.

“Hmm, no, no, no, Jaemin - I want the master bedroom,” Donghyuck paused to observe the bewildered look on Jaemin’s face, “You know, your bedroom? The one you share - sorry, shared - with your dead fiancé?”

Jaemin could not fathom the idea of another sleeping in their bed. Another body corrupting their room, it was bad enough the night he - 

“Actually, I like the light in here, I’ll stick to this room,” Donghyuck said, smiling gently at Jaemin who looked overwhelmed, “Don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart.

  
  
  
  


_“Hey, sweetheart,” Jeno muttered into Jaemin’s ear as he started to wake up. Jeno always said sweetheart, it was his favourite pet name for the younger. Jaemin had always found it cringey unless coming from a sweet older lady, but Jeno somehow convinced him otherwise._

_Maybe from the husky way he said it in the mornings, or the way it slipped from his lips as Jeno pleaded to him in arguments, the way it melted across the bed sheets as Jeno gasped it out as they made love._

_Jaemin began to adore it more than Jeno himself._

_Maybe because they sounded like one of those older couples you saw, walking hand-in-hand in the parks no matter the weather. Their exchange of “sweetheart” with “darling” made them feel eternal, they had forever to spend together._

_“Sweetheart,” Jeno called again, tracing a light finger along Jaemin’s cheek as he fluttered his eyes open, “Wakey, wakey.”_

_“Mmm,” Jaemin complained, stretching out under the covers and rolling closer to Jeno, until their bodies were pressed against each other, “I love you.”_

_“And I love you.”_

  
  
  


The next morning was awkward. Horribly awkward in a way Jaemin hadn’t experienced in a long time. That awkward period of not knowing someone and yet having to live with them

When he stumbled into the living room that morning, Donghyuck was already sitting on the sofa.

“Uhh,” Jaemin said intelligently, Donghyuck raised an eyebrow at him, “Can I get you anything?”

“No, thank you,” Donghyuck beamed.

“Right,” Jaemin said, moving towards the kitchen area and starting to make his breakfast, “So, how did you sleep?”

“I don’t sleep, sweetheart,” Donghyuck smiled to himself. Jaemin noticed his hand gripped tightly onto one of their mugs. It was Jeno’s favourite mug but Jaemin didn’t say anything. Stuff like that just made everything awkward, people became uncomfortable, like they’d just stomped on _his_ grave or passed through _his_ ghost. It was easier to bite his tongue.

“So,” Jaemin said, holding his own black coffee as he sat down opposite Donghyuck, “What’s your poison then?” He gestured to the mug.

“Just a coffee,” Donghyuck shrugged, watching the silly little humans face, “With lots of milk.”

Donghyuck relished as Jaemin’s face fell slightly.

Jaemin didn’t say anything for a while, drinking his coffee as Donghyuck continued to stare at him and he continued to look anywhere else but Donghyuck. He hadn’t felt this awkward in his home for a good while.

By the time he had sipped the last remnants of his coffee he had had enough.

“Uh - so, six months, huh?” Jaemin cringed, “What exactly were you planning on doing?”

“Spending time with you, Jaem - do you mind if I call you Jaem?” Donghyuck asked.

“Sure,” Jaemin replied unconvincingly, he was on a nickname basis with a demon!

“Cool! You can call me Hyuck if you want, I don’t mind Haechan either but calling me by my full name all the time is a total drag.”

Jaemin nodded along. Maybe Donghyuck just hated his full name like a lot of people do, maybe it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was a demon and using his full name basically invited him into your life, maybe - 

“Jaem, I’m not exactly a mind-reader but calm your thoughts down a little bit, will you?” Donghyuck complained, “You think at like a thousand miles an hour - you should ease up on the coffee!”

There it was again, another similarity. Not that nagging about Jaemin’s coffee intake was unheard of from the rest of the people in his life, but still…

“You’re not exactly a mind-reader?” Jaemin asked.

“Well, I dabbled a bit.”

“Huh,” Jaemin cocked his head.

“So let’s go out!” Donghyuck jumped up, his clothes changing in a flash to something… actually super cute.

The demon had changed into baggy jeans, baggy t-shirt, and a baggy shirt jacket. It should’ve looked awful, that amount of fabric; it should’ve overwhelmed him, but he pulled it off. He looked like a model, almost, Jaemin found it wildly unfair.

“Go,” Jaemin paused, “Out?”

Donghyuck looked at him blankly.

“Go out?”

“You want to leave the house?” Jaemin felt himself grow small at the demon’s unimpressed face, he felt like he was back in school being judged for the stupidest things, “Are you allowed?”

“Yes,” Donghyuck remained unimpressed, he had thought he had picked out an interesting human, but Jaemin might still surprise him. It was too late to back out now, he had to see this through.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere!”

  
  
  
  


As it turned out, Donghyuck had wanted to go to the nearest convenience store. 

Jaemin thought he was weird, super weird. This was an actual demon, though now he was starting to debate that, but he behaved like an excitable puppy half the time. The rest of the time Jaemin was admittedly too intimidated to look at said demon. 

It was a work in progress.

He hated himself for finding the way Donghyuck had rushed to the ice cream freezers endearing. Jaemin hated himself for a lot of things, really. His attraction to Donghyuck just happened to be the newest thing.

The shop had those awful fluorescent lights. It was actually a nice day outside too, but as soon as Jaemin had stepped in this unnatural feeling overwhelmed him. 

Donghyuck’s excited chatter echoed around him, the sounds of the street outside had quietened, his eyes stuttered to look at himself in the fridge door.

_“Jaemin! Let’s get ice cream,” Jeno had pulled him along, grasping his hand in his own. Jaemin loved holding hands with Jeno, how their hands seemed so perfect together. The way Jeno’s would always warm his up as they ran down rainy streets._

_The store was the same as it always was. Harsh lighting and shiny floors._

_Jeno had his hair pulled back over his face and his glasses on. An oversized coat on that Jaemin would always tuck himself inside._

_Jaemin loved him so much._

_Jeno’s eyes would form into his crescents as Jaemin would grab too many snacks._

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck called him. The image before him dissipated. Jeno too.

“Nana,” Jaemin looked like Donghyuck had slapped him, “Too soon?”

Jaemin wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded slightly, turning away from Donghyuck and pushing the trolley away from where he’d been standing.

Maybe going to the shops wasn’t a great idea.

  
  
  
  


to: leejen00@gmail.com

Dear Jeno, 

I’m bringing you back if it’s the last thing I do. There’s a demon living with me right now, don’t jump into a lecture - I’ve heard it all from Injun already, but I’m making a deal with this demon - Hyuck. He says he can bring you back to me, Jen.

I just wanted to let you know. 

You’re coming back to me.

Yours,

Nana

  
  
  
  
  


One month into the glamorous affair that was living with a demon. Jaemin felt like he and Donghyuck understood each other. A bit. A little bit.

Donghyuck somehow had some sort of sixth sense that his friends lacked when it came to uncomfortable topics relating to Jeno. Donghyuck was his only comfort these days anyway.

His mother and Jeno’s mum had gone on some cruise. Jaemin thought it was kinda bizarre, but so is grief, and who’s to say a cruise around the world isn’t the answer.

He hoped they had a good time.

His friends wouldn’t come by.

Not out of anything malicious. But Renjun wouldn’t come over once he learnt of the demon taking up residence in Jaemin’s house, and he convinced Mark and Jisung not to go either - how, Jaemin had no clue.

Jaemin understood though. He didn’t want to endanger his friends.

Plus, Donghyuck was surprisingly good company. 

  
  
  
  


To: leejen00@gmail.com

Jeno,

I’m sorry for my shitty email before. I don’t know why I made it so formal. Even this is weird, using punctuation and capitalisation and all that shit our teacher used to rattle on about in class so much. Anyway,

Wait lemme restart.

Hi,

I love you

thi s wasn’t something some therapist suggested, i havent been seeing one

I think youd understand why even if you think i should go

Its too much jen

Im barely capable of admitting your dead, i mean im sending you an email for christ’s sake

Well it was donghyucks idea.

Donghyuck is the demon. Im supposed to call him hyuck or haeachan or something

I do to his face, and aloud, becaus e im not trying to get tied into another demon deal

One is enough for a lifetime thank you very much

Basically, im making a deal with this demon jeno

You don’t need to lecture me about it - i already told you jun has SO many times

If you are going to reach out to me somehow, dont make it a lecture

Just tell me you love me :))

Okay so thats a quick life update

I miss you so much

Ahhhhhhh darling

Darling darling darling

Please come back jeno, come back and give me one of your lectures about how reckless i can be for other people - im being SUPER DUPER reckless RIGHT NOW come back and stop me >:) 

Im SELLING MY SOUL TO A DEMON JENO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jen jen

Sorry for the jokes...

I miss you Jeno

I’ll love you forever and ever and ever

Nana

  
  
  
  


Jaemin and Donghyuck get along great.

It was weird but scarily nice.

Donghyuck made him comfortable. 

They would watch TV together into the early hours. Shitty Netflix movies were their favourite, they even started watching the Christmas ones too. They were awful but it was so much fun, laughing at the stupid plotlines and crap jokes, at the awful romance that had Donghyuck pointing out how stupid humans were. Jaemin pretended to take offence, but he felt special when Donghyuck clarified that he wasn’t stupid.

He cursed himself later, when he crawled into his empty bed and realised he’d totally had an “I’m not like other girls” moment, except it was with the entire human race.

It still made him feel special.

It still made him blush, but that was too much for him to admit.

  
  
  
  


“Jaem, hurry up!” Donghyuck yelled from outside his bedroom.

They were going out. Out-out, like to a bar or a club - some place Donghyuck had heard about.

He stood in front of the mirror, faffing about with his hair and checking out his outfit for the umpteenth time. This was his first time going out since the one night stand fiasco that he had made sure to bury deep in his mind, hopefully never to resurface.

Tonight was about him, and Donghyuck a little bit - he wanted his demon friend to have fun. But still, about him and him having fun.

Jaemin’s skinny jeans were skin tight and he wore a crop top unseen since his college days. The crop top originally belonged to Jeno, but well, all of Jeno’s things now belonged to him.

“Shit,” Jaemin cursed under his breath, ignoring Donghyuck’s calls from the other side of his door, “I just want one night, brain! One night to not think about Jeno!”

He grew more frustrated as he shoved all the clothes he had been trying on into the wardrobe. A pet peeve of Jeno’s. Which he couldn’t help but bring to mind as he did it.

“Stupid me, stupid universe, stupid Jeno for dying on me!” Jaemin rambled under his breath as he slipped his socks on. He knew he was getting himself wound up, especially as his eyes started to well up with tears in that all too familiar way. 

Jaemin blinked the tears away.

He screwed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

He could hear the door open and Donghyuck’s bare feet against the wooden floor.

“Jaemin - oh, I was wondering where all those distress vibes were coming from.”

Jaemin chuckled lightly, opening his wet eyes to take in Donghyuck’s appearance.

“You look,” The word got stuck in his throat, “Good.”

“Just good?” Donghyuck teased. Jaemin rolled his eyes, “I’m just playing with you, I know I look like hot shit.”

Jaemin thought he did indeed look like hot shit. 

Donghyuck was in skinny leather trousers and a fishnet top with a black vest on top. Way too edgy for Jaemin’s style, but he knew a good looking guy when he saw one.

“Let’s go?” Jaemin said. He made his way out of the bedroom and waited for Donghyuck to follow him.

“You sure you wanna go?” Donghyuck asked.

Jaemin and Donghyuck had gotten quite closer in the last couple of months, but the concern in Donghyuck’s voice was unexpected. Jaemin was surprised to hear Donghyuck cared that much for him.

“Of course!” Jaemin put a bright smile on his face. 

  
  
  
  


They got fucked up that night. Or at least, Jaemin did. Donghyuck had this outrageous heavyweight ability that stretched beyond the mortal realm.

They drank and danced and laughed until Jaemin felt the world spinning around him and his feet felt like they were about to fall off. 

In the club, he could be anyone.

The dark dancefloor of the club was his solace, Donghyuck was his only company. He had so much fun, under the cover of darkness and flashing lights. He felt alive again.

By the time Donghyuck had whisked them away back home, he was stumbling around and slurring his words, dissolving into giggles with each breath.

“Hyuck,” Jaemin whined, “My head hurts,” He complained before laughing softly.

“Let’s get you to bed, Nana,” Donghyuck said, pulling Jaemin’s body into his arms, securing him so he didn’t fall over and get hurt on the way to bed.

Jaemin flopped down onto the bed in a heap. His giggly mood was gone in mere moments as he tried to get into bed.

Donghyuck sighed.

He approached the drunk man and tucked him in himself. His hand reached out to flick the light off.

“Humans,” Donghyuck cursed under his breath, “You’re all a nuisance, honestly.”

Jaemin whimpered as he tried to get comfortable.

“Jen,” Jaemin croaked out, “I feel sick.”

Donghyuck made a glass appear on the bedside table.

“Thank you, darling,” Jaemin sniffed.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” Donghyuck replied. He sat down on the bed, his hand reaching out to stroke Jaemin’s hair.

“Feels nice,” Jaemin muttered.

“Go to sleep, Nana,” Donghyuck whispered, watching as a tear slipped through Jaemin’s closed eyes.

The tear seemed to open the floodgates and before Donghyuck realised, Jaemin was sobbing.

“Nana,” Donghyuck soothed, his hand continued to stroke Jaemin’s hair, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“You always let me drink too much, and now I feel sick,” Jaemin croaked out, his eyes remained shut.

“Sleep,” Donghyuck coaxed. The demon stood up and stepped away from the bed.

“Jen?” Jaemin called out, “I-I miss you!”

Donghyuck stayed and watched as Jaemin continued to cry. He stayed and watched as Jaemin’s sobs quietened down and the human slipped into the dreamworld.

  
  
  
  


_“Jeno,” Jaemin called, he pulled his husband down onto the sofa. Jeno’s eyes would not leave Donghyuck’s figure, “This is the demon I told you about, Hyuck - remember?”_

_Jeno did not say anything._

_“Jen?” Jaemin called out again, threading his fingers with Jeno’s. Jeno glanced away from Donghyuck to stare at Jaemin for a few moments before his gaze returned to the demon._

_Jeno did not say anything._

_“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Donghyuck reassured him, “We’ll all get along great.”_

_Donghyuck smiled widely, manically; Jeno did not say anything._

  
  


_It was all hazy. One moment they were on the sofa, the next the scene had shifted._

_Jeno was in the bathtub, watching as Jaemin knelt beside his body. The water wasn’t cold persay, but nearing it, as if it had been a long time since the bath was first run._

_“You’ve been gone a while, Jen - aren’t you cold?” Silence reverberated around the bathroom, “Well, Donghyuck has to stay with us a bit longer, is that okay?”_

_Jaemin reached out to cup Jeno’s face. His thumb running along the other’s smooth cheeks._

_“I think you both would get along, Jen - how about we all go out sometime?”_

  
  


_Jaemin felt the dream stutter._

_When his eyes refocused. Jeno was dead._

_His lips were stained red with blood. It dripped down his face and into the water._

_“Jen,” Jaemin said, his voice thick with disbelief, “No. No no no no.”_

_Jaemin slumped backwards as he stared into Jeno’s vacant eyes._

_“Donghyuck!” Jaemin screamed._

_Donghyuck appeared before him in a flash, his hands were covered in blood and gripped a red-stained knife._

_“What?” Jaemin whispered, “Y-You - B-But.”_

_“Oh, sweetheart,” Donghyuck whispered, the demon leaned forward and pushed Jaemin’s hair out of his face, covering his warm cheek in warm blood, “It’s just a bit of blood.”_

_“You said - but,” Jaemin could not breath, “You were supposed to bring him back?”_

_“I did, didn’t I?” Donghyuck countered, dipping his hand into the bathwater and splashing it onto Jeno’s body, “I never said anything about keeping him alive.”_

_“Bring him back,” Jaemin yelled, spit flying out of his mouth as he shouted in anger, “Bring him back now!”_

_Donghyuck gripped his face in both hands. Blood on one hand, water on the other as the wetness of both trailed down Jaemin’s face and down his neck._

_“You already gave me everything, Nana,” Donghyuck whispered against his lips, “I already have your soul.”_

_Donghyuck pressed their lips together._

  
  
  
  


Jaemin awoke with a start. 

“Jeno?” Jaemin reached out, his arm grasped the other side of the bed. He bolted upright before he realised.

Jaemin sighed as he lay back down. 

He threw the covers over his head and squeezed his eyes shut, not planning on leaving bed for the rest of the day.

  
  
  
  


To: [leejen00@gmail.com](mailto:leejen00@gmail.com)

To Jeno,

I hate you. Why’d you have to die on me, arsehole.

Regards,

Jaemin.

  
  
  
  


It took Donghyuck two days before he had decided it was enough and stormed into Jaemin’s room. The man lay under the duvet, his head cradled by a pillow.

Jaemin did not even look up as Donghyuck approached.

“Now I’ve seen some hangovers in my time, but this really takes the cake,” Donghyuck teased, he sat down on the bed as he did the night they went clubbing.

Jaemin did not reply.

“Nana,” Donghyuck cooed, “I’ll make you food if you show me your pretty face.”

“Don’t call me Nana,” Jaemin said pathetically, “Please,” He added on, burying his face further in the pillow.

“Come on, Jaem, let’s get you up, huh?” Donghyuck said, grabbing onto Jaemin’s arm and trying to pull the stubborn human up. Jaemin shook his head vehemently at the action.

Donghyuck rolled his eyes and jumped up, he strolled over to the windows and opened the curtains. Blasting the room with the midday sun.

When he made his way back to the bed, Jaemin let himself be pulled up. His eyes were scrunched up under the violent light entering the bedroom. Greasy hair plastered over his face and drool had collected in the corner of his mouth.

The bath had already been made up once they made it to the bathroom. Jaemin shook his head when he saw it.

“Come on,” Donghyuck coaxed, “I’m not going to hurt you, Jaem - the bath certainly isn’t either.”

Jaemin nodded.

Together they undressed him. Jaemin would have felt embarrassed but he no longer cared who saw his body. He supposed it also helped that Donghyuck was a demon and must have seen thousands of naked bodies before.

His cheeks flushed red as he slipped into the bathwater.

The water was so warm it was perfect. It pooled around him and held him close. Jaemin let his body succumb to the weightlessness as Donghyuck began to wash his hair.

“Thank you,” Jaemin said softly, Donghyuck pulled him upright after he rinsed Jaemin’s hair so that he could wash his back.

Jaemin gasped, he gripped onto the back of his arm.

“What’s this?” He exclaimed. 

His eyes had caught some sort of inscription tattoo.

“Oh my -” Donghyuck stifled a laugh.

“What does it mean?” Jaemin asked, his eyes round as he stared at the ‘homo fuge’ tattoo.

“No idea,” Donghyuck forced out, “Looks like gibberish.”

“But, but how did I get it?” Jaemin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the tattoo.

“That’s the product of too many drunken college nights,” Donghyuck teased.

“No, I -” Something in Donghyuck’s eyes convinced him to drop it.

Once he was washed and dressed, Donghyuck pulled him into the living room and sat him down on the sofa. The demon insisted he relaxed while he got them food.

Jaemin wasn’t complaining. It was nice to be looked after.

Jaemin zoned out so heavily that by the time he had come to, Donghyuck had already spoon fed him an entire meal and forced water down his throat.

“Sorry,” Jaemin said sheepishly.

“Don’t apologise,” Donghyuck insisted, resting a hand on Jaemin’s thigh.

“I miss Jeno a lot,” Jaemin admitted.

“That’s understandable, he was your lover,” Donghyuck said.

“Have you ever been in love, Hyuck?” Jaemin asked. The man turned his body to face the demon sitting next to him.

“A long time ago,” Donghyuck replied, looking directly into Jaemin’s eyes.

“What happened?” Jaemin asked, “If you don’t mind!” He added as an afterthought.

“I lost them,” Donghyuck said, watching Jaemin’s eyes soften with sympathy.

“Oh. I’m so sorry,” Jaemin placed a hand on Donghyuck’s bicep.

“I’m sorry, too.”

Jaemin chuckled humourlessly. “The world is shit, huh?”

They let the silence envelope them.

“See, Jeno and I,” Jaemin laughed, “We were great together, we used to make everyone jealous.”

Donghyuck nodded.

“We used to fight like nobody’s business though, I don’t know if anyone ever knew - least of all our friends. We’re so different, y’know? We clashed as much as we complemented.”

Donghyuck didn’t say anything, so Jaemin continued.

“I mean, the way we used to fight was crazy; one moment it would be calm, the next we’d be screaming at each other,” Jaemin smiled, “It was awful actually, but I miss even that. And we’d never go to bed mad - it was Jeno’s rule!”

“He’s the only one who ever broke it, I can’t even remember why now - it all seems so silly. Those are the only bad bits I remember, though - the arguments. Maybe there weren’t any other bad bits, maybe we really were that happy; it’s awful, I feel like I can’t even remember now,” Jaemin started crying.

“When I think of our relationship it’s like I’m a stranger looking in, is that supposed to happen?” Jaemin looked up at Donghyuck with his red-rimmed eyes, “I miss him so much, and yet - no, it’s horrible - I do miss him; but being happy - being happy feels like so long ago, he feels like so long ago.”

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck started.

He rubbed circles on Jaemin’s hand that he had intertwined with his own.

“Why does it feel like that?” Jaemin said vacantly, “It feels like a lifetime ago, but also like it just happened - like this is all just a dream, and I’ll wake up and Jeno will be there. And we’d go to work, and Jeno would come home and complain about work. We’d feed Virg and cook together and I’d laugh as he tried to pronounce some fancy French wine. We always wanted to go to France, right - especially Paris,” Jaemin spoke dreamily, “So Jeno would always buy these french wines and act like he knew what he was talking about, and he’d always get mixed up with French and Italian food. Gosh, it used to make me laugh!”

“When he proposed, we even went to this French restaurant,” Jaemin looked at Donghyuck like he was looking through him - like he was looking at someone else, “He said he wanted to propose in Paris, it had been his plan for so, so long - ever since we were kids; but we couldn’t afford it, we spoke about it before he proposed, we had the house to buy, and we, well he, wanted this big wedding, with all the family and all our friends.”

“Jeno wanted us to have the best day ever,” Jaemin smiled sadly. He thought back to the destroyed wedding cake.

“Jaem,” Donghyuck spoke up, “You don’t need to go on.” He said softly, so as not to offend him.

“It’s okay, it’s nice actually,” Jaemin said, “I feel like I can’t talk about this with anyone - especially not my friends, nor my mum. Anyway, Jeno died before we could have our wedding -”

“Jaem.”

“It happened so suddenly, one moment we were so happy and planning our future together, the next it was all some sort of dizzy dream - he’d had a bath, and then he was so cold and I had - I had to call -”

Jaemin cut himself off and stood up.

“I’m going to make a cup of tea,” Jaemin said, “Do you want anything, Hyuck?” A fake smile shone brightly on his face.

Donghyuck shook his head.

  
  
  
  


The next few days passed with Jaemin in bed. Donghyuck would pop in and keep him company, and keep him fed, while he didn’t have the energy in any capacity to leave his bed.

When Jaemin arose from the depths of his mind, Donghyuck already had the week planned out.

First stop: every art gallery and museum they could find.

  
  
  


They had stopped off at a small cafe on their way to the gallery. Jaemin got his over-caffeinated Americano, much to Donghyuck’s chagrin, and Donghyuck himself got a green tea. The lighting was warm and the seats were comfortable. They talked about funny stories and embarrassing accidents in dulcet tones.

They just got on so well, Jaemin thought to himself whenever he’d stopped speaking and it was Donghyuck’s turn. Donghyuck always seemed to know what to say.

They got another round of their drinks to-go and walked out of the little cafe with their arms linked as they wandered through the city to find the gallery.

Jaemin was buzzing with excitement. He’d wanted to go to this new gallery for a long time, but he and Jeno had never found the time and now -

Well, now the demon holding his arm was going with him.

  
  
  


They tilted their heads in sync as they approached some sort of modernist piece. Jaemin laughed as he looked over to Donghyuck and saw the demon’s bewildered expression. 

“Humans are weird,” It was the only comment he offered before he started walking to another part of the exhibit.

“You should see my friend Ren-” Jaemin stopped himself, “You - you should see my friend’s artwork,” He faltered, “It’s amazing.”

“I bet it is,” Donghyuck smiled knowingly, “Onwards?”

“Oh, wow,” Jaemin whistled as they stopped in front of the next piece, “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s Paris,” Donghyuck supplied.

“I’d love to go to Paris,” Jaemin said wistfully, “If not for anything else, not for the Eiffel Tower, not for the handsome men, or fashion week, or the patisseries, I would just want to go for the art.”

Donghyuck smiled to himself.

“Next?” Donghyuck asked.

Jaemin looked at Donghyuck in his smart outfit and wearing his lovely smile. 

“Next,” Jaemin confirmed.

They locked eyes and smiled at each other like they were alone in the world.

  
  
  
  


In the beginning, it felt like Jeno and Donghyuck were two sides of the same coin. Their similarities were so endless that Jaemin lay awake deep into the abyss of the night, restless beneath the cold sheets, his mind occupied with each and every little thing they had in common.

To look at Donghyuck was to see Jeno in the reflection of his eyes.

Looking at Donghyuck was looking at Jeno.

It seemed overnight, something in Donghyuck shifted. One tiny spark of thought triggered an avalanche of change until looking at Donghyuck was nothing, nothing like looking at Jeno.

The mirror has shattered and faded to dust.

How could they be compared, when Jeno made him feel at home with one touch, one glance, and Donghyuck; Donghyuck made him feel alive again. Being around Donghyuck wasn’t like breathing with Jeno, it was like taking each breath like you knew it was to be your last. 

Being with Jeno was easy, being with Donghyuck was hard and fast and uncontrollable. But he was enraptured. 

Jaemin wept, for he had fallen in love.

  
  
  
  


To: [leejen00@gmail.com](mailto:leejen00@gmail.com)

My Darling Moon,

I miss you i miss you i miss you. Jeno, I miss you.

Please, Jen. I can’t take this anymore. I don’t know what to do. I miss you so much I feel i could drown in a blaze.

And im so confused, Jen. I don’t just need you as my lover, baby, I need you for everything else too; I need my soulmate back. 

I need my bestfriend.

I need you to tell me what’s going on with Donghyuck is okay.

I feel awful every minute, Jen. I feel like I’m betraying you. Like even just by looking at him I’m ruining us. I want you back, Jen. Can this just be a joke? Please come back.

I’m doing everything I can but i dont think its enough anymore

I have to live with him for months still 

And i dont know if i can wait it out. I feel myself being pulled into him, Jeno. It’s consumming me,

And its horrible, he reminds me of you so so much. Jeno please, come bakc now. I want our life back

And bring Virgo with you. I DONT KNOw why you ever let me call him that

I’ll stickwith Virgo for now, Jen. My Virgo and my Taurus. My babies. Please take care of each other. Please take care of me Jeno,

You always joked that i took care of you more than you me but its not true Jeno. I hate that it used to make me laugh when you said that. Its not true Jen, its not

I need you. I need you to tuck me into bed and brush the hair out of my face. I need you when im sick and when im not, when im drunk, sober, angry, sad, happy.

I need you back so ill stop comparing him to you.

I’ll still need you forever Jeno.

Forever and Ever, Moon Eyes,

Your nana 

  
  
  
  


Jaemin’s dreams shift after his revelation. 

He hated himself desperately; he woke up each morning with his mind begging his heart to give it up, to stop this infatuated nonsense. He was getting Jeno back and that was that - he did not have the time nor the capacity to go around falling in love with a demon of all things.

Once Jeno was back, it would be fine. He would pretend that it had never happened, he would forget all about Donghyuck and his gazes, and him and Jeno could have a happy, happy life.

But then his soul would go to Donghyuck anyway. 

So Jeno could only ever have him in life - when they died they truly would part from one another. Jaemin would always belong to Donghyuck now, even if he did try to forget about him for the rest of his life.

Jaemin cried in frustration at the mess he had made, but what could he do now?  
  


“It’ll be Christmas soon,” Donghyuck had said as Jaemin walked into the living room one day. He hadn’t realised how quickly the time had flown.

“Ever had a human Christmas?” Jaemin asked, Donghyuck looked unimpressed.

“A human Christmas? Sweetheart - pretty sure all Christmas celebration is from humans,” Donghyuck paused, “And yes, I have. I was also there for the first Christmas, but whatever…”

“Were you really?” Jaemin asked, getting excited.

“No,” Donghyuck replied, “Can you remember any demons at the birth of Christ?”

“Wait - does, does this mean God is real?” Jaemin asked, his eyes grew wide, “Like is God real real?”

“Your lack of understanding is actually quite impressive,” Jaemin pouted in offence, “I never said I was a Christian demon, Nana, we’re all just demons - if God exists,” Donghyuck shrugged, “That’s up to you to decide.”

“Wha-”

“Anyway! Enough about the Big Guy upstairs -”

“So-”

“Anyway!” Donghyuck looked at Jaemin pointedly, “I have something planned, as a treat, for taking living with a demon, aka yours truly, so gracefully!”

Jaemin sat up in his seat.

“We’re going to Paris!” Donghyuck exclaimed gleefully.

Jaemin felt overcome with emotion. He covered his mouth in shock as Donghyuck started ranting about all the things he had planned for them to do in Paris.

“- and then! Then we can go to the catacombs!” The demon said excitedly, “I don’t think you’ll like them, but we’re going anyway, we can’t go to Paris and miss them off -”

Paris.

Jaemin thought to himself. 

“Sweetheart?”

“I can’t wait!” Jaemin exclaimed, his mind made up.

“Great! Go, go! Get packed!”

“What now?” Jaemin asked.

“Babe, I’m literally a demon - why not now?” A wide smile hung on Jaemin’s face.

  
  
  


To: [leejen00@gmail.com](mailto:leejen00@gmail.com)

Jeno,

He’s taking me to Paris.

I’m so sorry.

  
  
  
  
  


To: [leejen00@gmail.com](mailto:leejen00@gmail.com)

Dear Jeno,

I’m so sorry Jen

I don’t know what came over me, Paris was supposed to be ours. We weren’t even there five minutes and I feel like i already tainted it for us forever. How could i do that Jeno? How could i do that to us? I went with another man to our dream place.

Jeno. Jen

I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s not just that you’re gone and everything, I’ve been through months of that and it’s not this.

I don’t like it Jeno. I need you back. Im so sorry im so selfish, asking this of you. I dont know how you’ll ever forgive me or how i’ll ever forgive myself. You’re going to come back and read all these stupid emails and know what happened while you were dead.

What if you dont want to marry me anymore Jeno

I dont know whats happening to me. It’s Hyuck he’s 

Well he’s doing something and I know its not right but im addicted jen

Please come back, im not just trying to save you - i need you back so you can save me too 

I’ll always be yours

Nana

  
  
  
  
  


They stood close. Jaemin could tilt himself forward and he would brush his lips against Donghyuck’s.

Donghyuck’s eyes flickered all over Jaemin’s face, from his eyes to his mouth, searching for something Jaemin was quite unsure of.

“Hyuck,” Jaemin whispered.

The demon lurched forward as Jaemin whispered his name like it was holy. His hands held onto Jaemin’s head as he brought their lips together for a chaste kiss before quickly separating them.

“Please,” Jaemin whispered again, his eyes poured into Donghyuck’s, imploring him to continue.

Donghyuck did not stop that time.

  
  
  
  
  


They cuddled up on the sofa in the soft glow of the side table lamp. Christmas had been and gone. Paris was behind them.

“Time is running out, Nana,” Donghyuck whispered into the human’s ear.

“I know,” Jaemin replied to his lover. He had not wanted to accept the truth that he had always known; that whatever time he had with Donghyuck was temporary, and they were running out of it quickly.

“I can’t give you forever.”

“I know,” Jaemin repeated, his mouth spoke for him, his mind miles away, stuck on the word ‘forever’.

“I can’t give you more than this,” Donghyuck spoke quickly, he muttered directly into Jaemin’s ear like the serpent, “I can’t give you anything in this life.”

“Anything?” Jaemin echoed. 

_His knees dug into the wet earth._

“At the end of the time you have a choice to make, sweetheart,” Donghyuck reassured him, “In three days time, you either end or make the deal.”

Donghyuck’s fingers traced along the ‘homo fuge’ tattoo branded on Jaemin’s arm.

“Whatever you decide, we will never see eachother again.”

  
  
  
  
  


“What’s your decision, Nana?”

  
  
  


“Sweetheart, what have you decided?”

  
  
  


“Time’s running out, Nana. What’s it to be.”

  
  
  
  
  


Jaemin washed his face, looked in the mirror, and saw all his potential futures laid out before him  
  
  


Jaemin fell asleep in the feverish tangled roots of Donghyuck’s embrace.

_His dream was cold._

_Tree roots tangled and intertwined with his body, tightening and expanding with every movement until he was encased in the wooden claws._

_Jaemin was trapped in the darkness. Bound still and unmoving as the world seemed to go on around him._

_The dream seemed endless._

  
  
  


_Jeno stood before him, hands bloodied from pulling him out of the wooden coffin._

_His mouth was filled with dirt as he choked in an attempt to speak._

_“Don’t,” Jeno said, he brought his hands up to calm Jaemin down, “Baby, you need to forgive yourself.”_

_“Remember when you asked me to marry you?” Jaemin choked out._

_Jeno nodded, “Of course, sweetheart, of course. I said -”_

  
  
  
  


“Sweetheart, you need to wake up,” Donghyuck coaxed Jaemin out of sleep, “We’re running out time.”

“How long do we have left?” Jaemin was scared to hear the answer.

“Half a day, give or take a few hours.”

Jaemin nodded.

He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes as they adjusted to the light of the room.

“I don’t mean to press you, baby,” Donghyuck assured him, “But we are running out of time and -”

“I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Donghyuck seemed to relax.

“So how - how do we seal the deal?” Jaemin asked.

“The deal is I take your soul, right?” Donghyuck explained slowly, “So - I also have to take your body.”

“What - oh,” Jaemin blushed furiously, a vibrant pink painting his cheeks right out of a Stabilo highlighter pack.

“Oh, indeed,” Donghyuck grinned.

  
  
  
  


Jaemin vibrated with anticipation as Donghyuck entered the bedroom.

Jaemin was sat on the bed already, his eyes following Donghyuck’s figure as the demon walked into the room he hadn’t been in all that much in the duration of his stay.

“So how do you wanna -” Jaemin asked, his neck flushed but he kept his eyes on Donghyuck.

“I want to fuck you,” Donghyuck replied as he drew closer to Jaemin.

Jaemin quivered as his breath stuttered out of his mouth.

Donghyuck was so close to him at that point, they’d been close before, but never with the definitive knowledge of what was to come.

“I want you,” Jaemin whispered. He moved so that he was knelt on the bed.

Donghyuck had changed clothes from earlier. He wore black fitted trousers and a white shirt with a black tie.

It was so painful to look at Donghyuck in these clothes. Jaemin knew where he had gotten them from, but he did not bring it up.

Jaemin was the one who reached out first; he jumped forward, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck and bringing their mouths together. Donghyuck acted quickly, his hands sliding up to Jaemin’s waist, gripping at his thighs and hips as they moved up his body.

“I want you, too,” Donghyuck muttered against Jaemin’s wet lips. 

They continued to kiss, their tongues gliding past each other, until Jaemin let out a particularly loud whine as Donghyuck grinded their crotches together.

“Hyuck,” Jaemin said, he just wanted to call the demon’s name.

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck replied, he pushed Jaemin down so the human was laying on the bed. Donghyuck quickly followed, placing himself between Jaemin’s knees as he started to mark up the man’s neck.

“Please,” Jaemin begged, looking up at him with wet eyes.

Donghyuck replied swiftly, “Anything for you.”

Jaemin watched eagerly as Donghyuck loosened his tie and started to unbutton his shirt.

“Oh, I know exactly how I want you first,” Donghyuck said softly.

“First?” Jaemin asked, he sat up and avoided Donghyuck’s glance.

“Sweetheart, there’s no need for the blushing virgin act,” Donghyuck leant forward to brush his finger down Jaemin’s flushed cheeks.

Jaemin nodded, biting his lip as he started taking his own clothes off.

“Uh-uh,” Donghyuck smirked, “Let me.”

Donghyuck pulled Jaemin’s t-shirt up, taking his time to run his palms up Jaemin’s sides. He threw the shirt to the side before he started to press kisses against Jaemin’s chest, sucking against his nipples as the younger reacted in his hold.

He shoved Jaemin backwards so he was lying down again. His nimble hands slyly made their way to Jaemin’s jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping the fabric and slowly pulling them down his legs.

Donghyuck rapidly unzipped his trousers and let them hang lose around his hips as he lay between Jaemin’s legs.

“How do you want me?” Jaemin asked coyly. 

Donghyuck pretended to think about it while he flipped their bodies over.

“I want you to ride me,” Donghyuck smirked. He sat them up so he was leant against the headboard, Jaemin sitting in his lap.

Jaemin started to grind his hips against Donghyuck, watching Donghyuck’s face contort in pleasure as he pressed down against his clothed cock.

Donghyuck slipped his shirt off and dressed Jaemin in it. He enjoyed the view of Jaemin wearing the white shirt.

His tie was still around his neck but he had big plans for that one. 

“Pop your briefs off, sweetheart,” Donghyuck commanded softly. Jaemin complied quickly, moving backwards off Donghyuck’s lap and pulling his underwear down in one swift movement.

Jaemin was confident in his body. He relished in the attention Donghyuck was giving him, the demon stared at his half-hard cock before smirking up at the human and patted his lap.

Jaemin was like a dog with the way he quickly followed the non-verbal command.

He sat down on Donghyuck’s lap, the rough material of the trousers rubbed against his bum as Donghyuck dragged him closer and brought their lips back.

Jaemin could feel Donghyuck’s hand wandering, circling around his body before sliding between his asscheeks to press against his hole.

“Oh?” Donghyuck stopped in surprise as he easily slipped a finger inside of Jaemin’s wet hole.

“I already prepared myself,” Jaemin said shyly, subtly hiding his face behind his hands. Donghyuck dragged his hands away and tied them together with the tied he had only just taken off.

“Don’t be shy in front of me, darling,” Donghyuck said, pulling on the tie so that Jaemin’s arms were pulled harshly behind his back, showing off his slender neck.

“I just- I just wanted you to fuck me so bad, Hyuck,” Jaemin cried out as Donghyuck bucked his hips so his hard cock rubbed against Jaemin.

“I want you to fuck yourself on my cock,” Donghyuck smiled, Jaemin got lost in his dark eyes.

Donghyuck reached into his trousers, and pulled his cock out through his boxers. He pushed the material down his hips a bit for some clearance and held his hard cock out for Jaemin.

They locked eyes, Donghyuck was pleased by Jaemin’s hungry look.

“Go on, won’t you? Fuck yourself on my cock like a good boy now,” Donghyuck goaded, a wave of satisfaction ran through him at Jaemin’s whine.

He let go of the tie and let Jaemin position himself on the demon’s lap.

Donghyuck had a front row seat to Jaemin’s lithe body and pretty face as he tremoured and contorted with pleasure.

Jaemin panted heavily by the time he was seated on Donghyuck’s cock.

“Hyuck,” He cried. Jaemin tried to bounce his hips, his eyes rolled back in pleasure and soon enough Donghyuck pulled on the tie again and Jaemin’s body curved beautifully.

“Go on, Nana,” Donghyuck bucked his hips just to torture him, enjoying the tight heat around his cock as Jaemin tried to ride him.

“Ah!” Jaemin cried as he flexed his thighs and started riding Donghyuck better.

Donghyuck grew bored quickly, and grabbed at Jaemin’s hips, lazily fucking the human onto his cock.

“Kiss,” Jaemin murmured, “Want a kiss, Hyuck - please!”

Jaemin asked and Donghyuck shall obey. 

He licked into Jaemin’s mouth, pushing his saliva into the younger’s orifice as he fucked him harder until Jaemin was collapsed forward against his chest.

“What a poor little cockslut, huh, baby?” Donghyuck teased. He looked into the mirror in front of the bed. His own eyes nearly rolled in pleasure as he watched his cock entering the moving cocksleeve.

Jaemin sucked at his neck, leaving violent love bites against his golden skin.

Jaemin felt gone already. The room was boiling and his body was covered in sweat. 

His cock was leaking against his stomach, and he felt his gut clench at every punch of Donghyuck’s hips.

“Am I big enough?” Donghyuck teased with a rough thrust of his hips, “This is just a body, Nana. I can fuck you with a cock the size of my fist, I could knot you if I wanted to - I could change everything just to fuck you harder.”

Jaemin wailed as the cock inside of him seemed to grow bigger as Donghyuck spoke. 

“Sit up,” Donghyuck said, feeling himself about to cum. He yanked on the tie around Jaemin’s hands so he could see the humans face as it came undone.

“Hyuck!” Jaemin cried out, his hole fluttered around Donghyuck’s cock as they both came.

Jaemin sighed blissfully, and flopped forward, back onto Donghyuck as the demon let go of the tie. 

Donghyuck quickly undid the tie and watched as Jaemin used his newly free hands to grasp onto him, gripping at his shoulders and placing soft kisses against his lips and jawline.

“I never want this moment to end,” Jaemin said softly.

Donghyuck kissed him with sheer hunger, feeling the younger become undone.

  
  
  
  


They fucked twice more. Jaemin was running on pure adrenaline until he collapsed down onto the bed, his hair matted with sweat. 

Donghyuck curled around him, pressing his wet cock between Jaemin’s thighs and enjoying the shiver that ran up the human’s back.

“You’re insatiable,” Jaemin commented, his breath heavy as he panted his words out.

“Yes, but also - I do have to come six times for the deal to be sealed,” Donghyuck explained. He brushed his finger along Jaemin’s spine.

“In that case,” Jaemin pushed himself up and off the bed.

Donghyuck smirked as he sat up, watching Jaemin make himself comfortable between his legs as he leant forward for his treat.

Donghyuck groaned as Jaemin wrapped his wet lips around the head of Donghyuck’s cock. The demon kept whining as Jaemin sucked his cock, letting his cock violate his throat and stuff his mouth.

  
  
  
  


The final time, they made love.

They lay down together on the bed, Jaemin exhausted but determined as Donghyuck held him in his arms. The demon entered him from behind and they moved as one, exchanging soft words until they came together.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Remember when you asked me to marry you?” Jaemin whispered into the night.

“Of course, sweetheart,” The dark replied with Jeno’s gentle voice.

“Do you remember when you asked me to marry you?” Jaemin asked, his eyes wide and wet, alert and unseeing. 

“You said we’d have forever, you said we’d be together forever,” Jaemin swallowed shakily, pulling his body into a ball, “You said forever, Jeno, you said forever!”

  
  
  
  


_Jeno didn’t propose in the fancy French restaurant they went to that night._

_Perhaps he had been planning to. From the way his eyes darted around the menu and he avoided Jaemin’s eye._

_But no, Jeno proposed later. After they returned home from a nice meal out, after they made love, after they complained and laughed and loved one another with fierce ferocity._

_Jaemin drew the bath. Watching as the tub swirled with hot water and the bubbles built up all around the edges._

_They climbed in together. Their bodies pressed together as they drank wine from the same glass and the candles flickered around him._

_“Nana,” Jeno called out, flicking water at his boyfriend, “Sweetheart? Turn around, please?”_

_Jaemin turned around in Jeno’s arms. He smiled and wrapped his arms around Jeno._

_“Mmm?” Jaemin hummed, burying his face in Jeno’s neck._

_He felt Jeno’s laugh vibrate in his chest._

_“Marry me?” Jeno said, “Marry me, Nana?”_

_Jaemin sat up slowly, his eyes glistened._

_“Marry me and make me the happiest man for the rest of my life, let’s spend forever together, sweetheart - let’s grow old together and take long walks hand in hand and watch our children and grandchildren grow up and -” Jeno choked up._

_“Jen,” Jaemin whispered._

_“Marry me, Na Jaemin and I promise you forever.”_

_“Marry me, Nana and let’s grow old together.”_

  
  
  
  
  


When Jaemin awoke the room was cold.

He lay there refusing to turn around and look at the barren side of the bed. Donghyuck’s warmth had long left.

Following Jeno.

  
  
  
  


seven.

When Jaemin managed to pull himself together he’d had enough.

Every part of that wretched house reminded him of someone. He already couldn’t bear the emptiness without Jeno, but then Donghyuck had wrecked further havoc.

So he packed it up. He packed up everything and anything, donating and throwing most, refusing to part with some. He packed up his cookie cutter life and swept himself away. Asking for a transfer and three weeks later he’s moving into a tiny house in the middle of nowhere.

The first night is restless. The second too. Already by the third and he started feeling more alive than he had in months.

Weeks passed and the weeks faded into months, the months into near a year, and one day he found himself staring in the mirror.

He looked at his unrecognisable face, his faded hair, and empty eyes.

His eyes are staring back at him. He crept closer and closer, fogging up the mirror as his breath pressed against the cool surface.

The temperature dropped.

Jaemin found himself breathless; paralysed to the floor as he refused to dare move his eyes away from his own reflection.

“Hello, Sweetheart.”

Jaemin falls.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this was the most i've ever written and the first fic i've ever posted to ao3, so thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed it!! <3
> 
> im sorry to jaemin, who basically just has a horrible time and to jeno who is the epitome of every female character out of every nolan film ever made (marion cotillard im looking at you babe)
> 
> title is from the song wicked games by either the weeknd or chris isaak, i am fond of both - misery loves company from marlowe's doctor faustus, as is the tattoo 'homo fuge' 
> 
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> im all for death of the author so you dont have to keep reading but these are my thoughts on the fic and what i meant by somethings!!
> 
> the prompt said angst and pain so :( my mind went straight to full on angst,, then i had to write full on angst and it was really hard, and so i did rush the second half in places!! 
> 
> tw// suicide   
> one thing that has been mentioned in the comments a bit is jeno's death and i just wanna clarify it wasn't suicide and was never supposed to be but i completely understand if that's how it came across. if i do end up doing a rewrite and adding some things then ill try and think of a way for this not to seem like jeno killed himself, i hadn't realised it would read that way and the bathtub scenes were much more about jaemin than they were about jeno but again i understand that it reads differently. just to clarfiy again: jeno did NOT kill himself!!
> 
> donghyuck was always going to come for jaemin, he decided that and stuck with it, and manipulated the situation all he could to hurt jaemin the most. the death of virgo, the guy jaemin slept with, the use of sweetheart, when he tried to stay in their bedroom, and then finally the trip to paris. a lot of this was completely about manipulation and hyuck manipulating jaemin - it's not a good relationship. i know i didn't write the paris bits and i really wish i had, but this was a turning point for donghyuck, where he accepted that jaemin didn't want to stay in paris and so they came home, it was him accepting that he did like jaemin (and maybe even loved) and wasn't going to manipulate him any further. 
> 
> however!! paris showed jaemin how much he did love jeno and how much he wanted him back, which pushed him to trying to seal the deal with hyuck. honestly i could write an essay on this lmao.. he still liked jeno, but the paris trip pushed him into a decision. 
> 
> the deal never actually happened. they may have had sex and all and jaemin did have the tattoo but by then hyuck had already decided not to go through with it. for me this was an act of kindness, jeno wouldn't have been jeno if he came back, he wouldt have been the man jaemin fell in love with and so hyuck ultimately had to kill him off before he'd already been resurrected (hence the dream) and also hyuck knew jaemin would have to give up his soul, hyuck didn't want that for him!! hyuck was manipulating jaemin throughout, he is a demon lmao and this was only ever supposed to be about getting jaemin's soul and having some fun with it before getting it, like an animal playing with its food - but hyuck ended this and chose jaemin above himself and set jaemin free. to me, this is a happy ending... jaemin didn't end up with hyuck or jeno but he didn't have to and as the ending bit starts we can see him starting to move on. 
> 
> now,, the ending. in my opinion this was always donghyuck. jeno is dead and was never coming back (because to me the deal never happened and was never going to). though hyuck set jaemin free... he couldn't resist, and he came back to see jaemin. in my opinion that's all it was, closure, they separated ways and hyuck always looked out for him but that was it. 
> 
> i dont know if all that makes sense but i definitely always had very strong opinions on what was always going on in what i wrote, but i absolutely love hearing other people's opinions and didn't think sharing my own was necessary! but here we are,, i thought maybe not sharing my intentions was mean and some people want answers!! (which is fair enough) i have a lot to say on this but i think that's the main things!! if you had a different interpretation that's great and i'd love to hear it!!


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